One of the most dominant emotions that my anxiety comes with is guilt. The main reason why I feel so guilty is because of the fact that I am a Christian and I know anxiety is not from God. Recently, I received a comment that if I were a true Christian I wouldn’t be so stressed out. It broke my heart and brought up every negative emotion possible. Biblically, stress is never mentioned, but worry and anxiety are. In fact, they’re mentioned in one way or another in every book of the New Testament. God has commanded us to not be anxious. “Do Not Be Anxious” is stated several times just throughout the book of Matthew. As a Christian and someone who truly wants to please the Lord, I have a hard time coping with the fact that I’m living in sin every single day because of my mental illness. I constantly feel so guilty knowing that I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I just can’t help it. I feel like I am giving Satan glory. A while ago, God showed me that carrying around this guilt, shame and burden of living in sin completely counterclaims Christ’s message of grace. For this reason I began to truly dive into the Word, get other Christian’s ideas and finally discovered that my anxiety disorder is only a sin if I let it be. I also realize that I am not the only Christian out there experiencing the same emotions as I am; we are all trying to discern when our worry is and isn’t sin.

I do realize that there are some people who may disagree with me. And that’s okay. Some Christians who don’t understand anxiety still may respond with “Come on, just give your cares up to the Lord already!” But every anxious person knows that it’s not that easy. There’s a lot more to it then just “giving it up.” I hope that throughout this article you will begin to understand that and you’d also realize that anxiety is categorized as a sin only when the heart is off.

Why is anxiety considered a sin?

God literally commands us not to be anxious for anything several times. But why does God label it as a sin? It’s not doing anything! Ultimately it boils down to sin being anything that separates you from God. This means that we could label any negative feeling as a sin, because any negative feeling is a result of not keeping our thoughts captive, which allows the Devil playing room. Plus, there’s a physical response to every emotion, both good and bad. Therefore, how we respond to those feelings determines whether or not we’re truly in sin. Think about it- how do feelings effect your behavior? Strong emotions like anger, jealousy and lust can trigger use to do things that we may further regret in the end. This decision making is what can separate us from God, hence labeling it a sin.

Why does God hate worry?

Essentially, worrying is a lack of trust and inability to keep faith. Therefore, God has every reason to hate when we worry. Especially considering how many times we worry over things that aren’t in our control, this is so frustrating for Christ. When we allow Jesus to be the Lord of our lives, this means giving Him complete control. Casting our cares and worries to Him even when our situations seem hopeless. When we worry excessively about unnecessary things, we are giving satanic forces control rather than Christ.

I want to make this clear: God does not hate the fact that I have a mental disorder. He hates when I don’t pray without ceasing. He hates when I don’t trust that He is in control. He hates when I give credit to demons. He hates when I let the anxiety effect my identity. He hates these things because He knows they’re detrimental to my Spiritual walk and will get me no where.

Why does anxiety exist?

Although Christ does not like anxiety, He did give it to us for a reason. Certain anxiety is good and can be motivational. Again, it’s when the anxious thoughts lead to anxious behavior that the anxiety becomes a negative thing. However, just as God allows us to experience other hardships, He allows us to feel anxious so we can learn. While worrying, we ultimately have two choices with what to do with the worry. We can A) Let is suck the life out of us, living negatively for the rest of our lives, or B) Use it to draw closer to Him. When I’m anxious, I am forced to pray. I hate being pessimistic. The only way to be optimistic is by looking up at Him. As much as I hate having a mental disorder, I can honestly say that if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t be nearly as close to Christ. Dealing with certain emotions or sins can force you to come to a revelation with yourself and God. Even though I am only a teenager, I can tell you that I have the mindset of a grow adult. I am mature in my walk with the Lord. None of that maturity would have been developed if I hadn’t let anxiety use me for the good.

When I am in such a bad mental state, there’s absolutely nothing else to do but pray. I must admit, usually when I’m in the middle of having a panic attack, I want to be around other people so they can pray for me. Prayer helps. Reciting scriptures out loud helps. Looking to Christ is the only way I will get out of that horrific state of mind. I still have not yet found the ability to pray for myself when I’m in this state. This is frustrating. I do believe that one day God will show me how to snap myself out of having an attack. However, if I have been feeling anxious for a while at the time, I can pray THEN. I can meditate on scripture THEN to prevent an attack later on. Because sometimes all it takes is a few minutes for my thoughts to spiral and for me to lose control, it’s essential I use my “pre-panic” time wisely. This has helped me tremendously. It also helps remind me that my anxiety is not mine.

Recently, I have come to a revolution as to why God had not healed me entirely from my anxious thinking. So many times have I bowed down, kneeling with my arms wide open and surrendered everything to Him. Several times I have given all of my cares to Him, just as He said to. I’m always doubting and asking myself “Why isn’t He taking this from me?” The truth is, I may not say that my anxiety doesn’t define me, but unconsciously, I consider my anxiety to be apart of me. I am so used to worrying all of the time that I’m actually afraid to not worry. I don’t know what it will be like to live without constant anxiety and apparently I’m not ready to figure that out yet. When od revealed this to me, I kept asking Him “Is this true?!” Of course it’s true! It makes sense! God can not take something from us if our hearts aren’t truly ready to give it up. As much as I hate having anxiety and want to give it up, I’ve spent so much time with it that I’ve grown to like it. It’s like that one friend who you know is a bad influence but you love them too much to walk away. Until the day comes when I am able to say goodbye to my anxiety friend and move on, God will not take it from me. Until I am able to stop labeling it as a part of my identity, I will not want to give it up. This is something that I am constantly working on with God. As hard of a pill as it was to swallow, I’m so glad that the Lord revealed the truth to me.

What does the Bible say about anxiety?

As I mentioned before, God commands us not to worry. Jesus’ disciples and apostles knew how important it was to follow this command, which is why there are so many verses I written throughout the New Testament especially. But even those strongest in Him had moments of fear. Consider Peter’s story of walking on the water. Peter was scared and started to drown. Jesus responded with “You of little faith!” In Philippians 4:6, Paul writes “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” In 1 Peter 5:6-7, Peter tells us to cast our anxiety to the Lord because He cares for us! Matthew 6:34. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry on its own.” Also in Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus tells His children to come to Him if we are burdened and He will give us rest.” Why are so many of these scriptures from Matthew? Because Matthew is a gospel. A lot of the verses mentions are words that Jesus quoted Himself.

Mental Illness and Christianity

It’d be foolish and false to consider mental illness to be an entire spiritual matter. We have to remember that we were given a flesh and a soul for a reason. Mental illness is not found within the SPIRIT. A mental illness is battle in the soul. Sure, there is spiritual warfare constantly going on in the minds’ of Christians. However, think back to the physical aspects of mental illness. The psychosomatic connection is a connection between the flesh and soul, not flesh and spirit. Some mental illnesses are genetic! Again, a mental disorder is a sickness within the mind. It’s uncontrollable, as is an physical sickness. Every time someone tells me to stop being anxious, I so badly want to tell them to stop getting headaches. Is cancer a spiritual battle? Is diabetes a spiritual battle? Would either of their diagnoses be considered a sin? Absolutely not! I believe God can break the chains of any illness, whether physical or mental. However, I think it’s important to not discredit the power that the soul and flesh have over our bodies too.
Both Christians and non-Christians tend to pass by the Biblical connections to mental illnesses. Even after being a Christian for over five years, I never realized how much God has to say about mental illness. There were so many historical, Biblical figures who suffered in the same ways that I did.

For example, look at the story of Elijah. Elijah taunted and killed those who worshiped Baal, a false god to prove that His God was the one true God. In doing so, this made Jezebel, the queen of Israel, threatened to kill him. The scripture says that “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life (1 Kings 19:3).” He felt guilty, shameful, unworthy and saddened which are all emotions associated with depression. He ran and slept in a cave because he was not able to face his fears of the world. This hiding in a cave is exactly what we do when we’re depressed. We distance ourselves from the rest of the world and want to stay in this little bubble. But when Elijah was in the cave, God spoke to Him. The Lord met Elijah where he was, even in the midst of his depression. And doesn’t God still do that today?

Also, 1 Samuel 1 tells the story of Hannah’s sorrow. (No, not me. Although it is ironic isn’t it?) Hannah was severely depressed knowing that she wasn’t able to have children. She wouldn’t eat. She couldn’t sleep. The Bible mentions her weeping more than once. As she’s praying to God, she refers to herself as being a “woman who is deeply troubled (1 Samuel 1:15).” She was literally grieving in anguish. Isn’t this how we feel when we’re depressed?

Then there’s David. David was a faithful man whom completely feared the Lord, but he also struggled taking his thoughts captive. Despite all of the things David is known for, he felt sorry for himself. He grieved over sin and was guilty about His disobedience to God in taking a census of the people against God’s will. David clearly portrays this. Think about how many psalms of David proclaim depression. Psalm 6:6 says “He is weary with his groaning and swam in tears.” How many Psalms discuss feelings of loneliness, sorry, and abandonment from God? Psalms has always been one of my favorite books in the Bible and I can finally pin point why- David was writing to describe the depths of his soul.

If you have not yet read the book of Lamentations, I encourage you to do so. Yes, certain parts are hard to understand. It is intense, and it is sad! It literally describes depression perfectly. I can think to myself “Jeremiah felt the exact same things as I do sometimes.” Jeremiah wrote the book right after Jerusalem was destroyed by the Babylonians. Jerusalem was Jeremiah’s cherished city. He is distressed at seeing the city in such turmoil. In Lamentations 1:20, he cries out “See, Lord, how distressed I am! I am in torment within, and in my heart I am disturbed.” Isn’t this the prayer we say when we’re depressed? Aren’t these the words we use to describe hopelessness? Chapter 1 verse 12 mentions that Jeremiah feels he has no one to comfort him- he is lonely! He feels no one understands his sufferings. Again, doesn’t that sound familiar? In chapter 3, he blames his pain on God. Throughout the whole chapter he discusses his depression with feelings of rejection, abandonment, bitterness, and darkness. Jeremiah admits he was BROKEN. This book represents true human nature and represents what it’s like to truly be in a pit, thinking there’s no way out. Yes, this book is deep, but it is powerful. My favorite part is how genuine Jeremiah was with God. His prayers were filled with his emotions; he didn’t hide the fact that he was upset with the Lord. Those prayers are the ones that all of us need to pray when we’re in such distress.

The last story that really struck me was the story of Job. Job lost everything. His land was destroyed, his kids were killed, etc. Job had every reason to be depressed. I remember looking through the first few chapters and thinking to myself “This is too painful to read!” It is a painful story! Much of what the book consists of is letters written back and fourth between Job, his friends, and conversations he had with God. Job genuinely loved God, but Satan had went inside his head and wanted to destroy him internally. Job made it obvious that he really, really wanted to die. In chapter 3 especially, his writing reminded me of a suicide note. Job actually cursed his birth and prayed to die! (Job 7:3) He questioned his existence on earth and wondered why God hadn’t yet taken him home. Job, just like Jeremiah was very honest with God and described the battle us humans have internally. He went back and forth a lot between praising God, and then cursing his life. But again, that’s exactly what us humans do. When something doesn’t go our way, we become angry with God. We turn away from Him. However, we don’t doubt his existence. We know that He’s real. What we doubt is His grace, love and supernatural abilities. We tell ourselves God must not be that great if he’s letting us suffer so much. And in the end, when things do turn around, when He pulls us out of the pit, He is there with open arms. He waits for us to run to Him.

All of the people I just mentioned were very strong in the Lord. This emphasizes my point that even those who follow and love God suffer emotionally. Being a Christian certainly does not make us perfect and it definitely does not exempt us from feeling certain emotions. Although sprung from different situations, emotions were the same, now and then. They weren’t a sin then, and they’re not a sin now.

Now sure, this depression and anxiety was not labeled as Clinical Depression or diagnosed as an anxiety disorder. Back then, there were no doctors who knew enough about it, and there certainly weren’t psychiatrists to discuss chemical imbalance. But let’s just pretend there were psychiatrists back then- who’s to say that Elijah, Hannah, David, Jeremiah or Job wouldn’t have been prescribed medication? If there were therapists during Biblical times, would the individuals have used them? No one will ever truly know what the ancient times version of “depression” was, but the point is that depression does exist, and even the most faithful of Christians can experience it.
I will say it again: HAVING A MENTAL DISORDER IS NOT A SIN. Therefore, my diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder does not make me any more of a sinner than I would be without it. So many people in the pastoral field give such harsh judgment to those who are suffering, acting like we are the worst people in the world. Telling me that I am living in sin because of my anxiety is extremely hurtful. Telling me that I’m not really a Christian because I worry too much is harsh and comes off as judgmental. Yes, I’ve heard many misconceptions and felt very awkward at points because of them, but I know I am not the only one experiencing that. There is a large number of Christians out there who live with mental illnesses. There are a lot of Christians who are on medication because of them. (Remember, God created doctors and therapists for a purpose- utilize them!) Some coping mechanisms that people use to cure their mental disorder, like drugs, fights, alcohol, etc, yes, those are sins. But the mental disorder is not a sin itself. If you get anything from this, I hope it’s just that.