The past year has been a whirlwind. I graduated high school with an immense amount of hope and longing for the future. I was so excited about what the upcoming years held in terms of a new school, job, friends, and adventures.
Just before graduating, I decided to apply for a job at the summer camp I had gone to for three years of my high-school: Crossings Ministries. It had always been a dream of mine to be a staffer, and I felt that, because it was a Christian ministry, God obviously was calling me to serve there.
In the middle of applying, I realized that my family had already planned a trip on the first week that I would arrive to be a staffer, meaning that I would have to choose between going with them and staffing for the summer. I was torn, but I knew that if God had really been calling me to work at Crossings, then He would have made the way clearer.
I was confused and desperately hoping for an answer. After all, why would God keep me from a ministry opportunity such as this? In the wake of my confusion, my Mom gently reminded me that instead, they could send me and my brother to Summit Ministries.
I had wanted to go for years but had never gotten the chance. The week we planned for nestled right in between getting home from our family trip and my brother being sent to basic training. It was perfect timing, so we took the chance and went to Colorado for two weeks at Summit.
The friendships I made and the lessons I learned there still affect me two months later. I learned to seek for truth, know what I believe, and lovingly share it with others. After getting back I had the sudden realization that at that point in my life, learning about God, myself, and the world around me strengthened me in a way that staffing could never have.
It made me ponder a possible truth that sometimes when we think God is opening a door, He's really just leading us through a hallway to the actual door. After I got back, I was quick to forget said truths and promptly, freaked out.
Because of the excessive amount of traveling I had done over the past months, I had to quit my job right before leaving for Summit. Two days after getting home, I rushed over to the only place where I had ever heard consistently good employee reviews: Chick-fil-A.
Within the week, I had gotten the job. In that moment, I realized that once again, I had been all too quick to place my trust in myself, rather than God. He brought the right people to meet me, interview me, and train me quickly.
However, He wasn't quite done with teaching me this lesson. About a week after starting my new job, an email arrived from one of the professors at the school. There was a graphic design internship available at Huffy Co, one of the largest bike companies in the world. It was paid and would last the entire first semester.
I sent in my resume, which was badly designed and the only experience on it had to do with my minimum wage jobs—not any design work. Because of these factors, I figured I would never be contacted and promptly forgot about the job.
Until I got a call.
I went to the interview, completely nervous, and was met by a guy wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. Apparently, he was the manager. I got a good feeling throughout the time in the interview and felt that I landed it. That is until he told me that I was the first of five people to be interviewed, meaning that I had the potential to be very forgettable.
He then explained that he would call on Tuesday if I got the job. Tuesday came. Then Wednesday, with a little less hope. On Thursday, I turned off the ringer on my phone. At that point, I knew that I hadn't gotten the job.
After the failed attempt to staff Crossings, which lead to me going to Summit, and the faithfulness of God in getting the job at Chick-fil-a, I knew I trusted Him. I wasn't sure why He had put me through applying for the internship, only to take it away, but I knew He was gracious and would lead me to something better.
On Friday afternoon, I got a call saying I had gotten the internship. At that moment, I knew that every time I doubted and that every time the all-too-clear waters became increasingly muddy, God was there. He knew that what I needed over the summer was not a position of leadership, but one of humble learning and servitude.
He knew that what I needed was not a spirit of doubting but one of trusting in Him. Finally, despite the fact that His plan all along was for me to have the internship, He knew that I needed to learn patience, waiting, and a total resting on Him.
I say all of this to admit that I am far from perfect. I find it all too easy to hold on to the future for dear life and not let go. I tend to doubt a lot and I often lose sight of why God placed me on this earth and saved me in the first place.
But I hope this encourages you, not because of my failures but because of God's faithfulness in those failures. Throughout the summer, He has pushed me time and time again to rest fully on Him. He has made me realize countless times that my strength is found in Him alone. The future is His, I am His, and I hope to never forget that.
