When god is hard

Sometimes God is hard.

Believing in. Trusting. Anything-ing.

Sometimes God is so hard that we don't even want to say God.

Just the name makes us shudder, makes our insides spin, makes us want to puke.

Sometimes God is hard, because life has been hard to us.

People leave.

Trust is broken.

Grand injustices happen.

Small injustices happen.

We feel pain.

We feel lost.

We feel alone.

Crap happens. A lot.

Life is hard, and sometimes that makes the whole God thing hard.

Break it down.

God can be the I Am. God can be Savior. God can be Yahweh. God can be Christ. God can be Creator. God can be man, God can be woman, God can be genderless.

I think God cares less about what we think he/she/it is like, because he cares more about who we are.

And who are we?

Children. Created for freedom. Created for wholeness. Created for an abundant life, a life that is alive.

We don't have to believe it, but it is all still true about us.

God can be hard and God can be scary.

It's okay to think those things. It's okay to feel those things.

Doubt is welcome here. Curiosity is awarded.

So come, whether you say the word God, whether you are unsure, whether you are tired or sick of religiosity.

It isn't about the rules.

It isn't about what is right or wrong.

It is about goodness, beauty, and truth.

And no matter what you call it, it still whispers to your heart,

"Come near. I am holding you, I have always been holding you.

I see you. I see the hurt and the heavy and the dark. I see it.

But I also see light. You are light. You hold light. I give it to you. A gift.

And beloved, I always have grace for you.

Come near. Talk to me. I listen. And listen to my heartbeat for you. It is here. It is yours.

Let me hold the hurt and the heavy and the dark for you. And you can rest.

I see you. I want you."

And when we are unsure, we don't have to try hard to figure it all out.

We can let go.

We can let the God thing be hard for a little bit,

But know that we are always being cheered on. We are still loved. We will not live here forever. We don't have to run away, but we can be here, we can rest here.

Thanks be to God.