Think about the lowest point in your life. When you hit rock bottom or when life unraveled or when the waves just kept knocking you down...whatever metaphor that works best for you, that's where I was. Only, I felt below rock bottom, in a pile of never ending yarn that just kept unraveling, the rocks in my pockets dragging me to the ocean floor.
I think we can all relate to this, regardless of the particular experience that made us feel this way. When everything you built up was gone. The recognition didn't matter anymore. The scholarships, promotions, and other accomplishments became sharp edges in your side, reminding you more of your failure than your successes. The safe community you had created around you crumbled. The "#goals" relationship was over before you felt that it had really even started, and your only regret is falling too fast, too hard. You're standing alone, blindsided and drowning under the weight of everything that fell apart all at once.
It was easy to feel confident, beautiful, successful, important, and all of the other positive feelings we feel when life is going well. But what happens when all of the things that were making us happy is suddenly gone?
Looking in the mirror, I didn't recognize the reflection staring back at me.
I had been relying on my accomplishments and relationships to fulfill me. What I had failed to do was find my self confidence in myself before I found it in others.
Because once those things were gone, I couldn't see my worth for myself.
I had to make a choice. I could continue to let the rocks fall around me, or I could start climbing back up. The dead reflection in the mirror wasn't going to cut it anymore.
Laying below rock bottom looking up, even just reminding myself that I was worthy was so, so difficult. I didn't feel worth anything. But I had let the words of others become my world, my reality. What I realized was that my world, my reality, and my worth can't and doesn't come from temporary things.
Here's my prayer tonight.
I pray that you know where your worth comes from.
It's not found from any material possession you have, from a number on the scale, the kind of clothes you wear, the friends you have, this months paycheck, the relationship you are in, the GPA on your transcript, the thing you're addicted to, the promotion you're waiting for...the list goes on and on.
None of those things are permanent.
Your worth comes from the size of your heart, your ability to see the best and worst parts of yourself and still love it all.
Your worth is found in the unconditional love of God.
My prayer is that you know that it is okay to NOT be okay. Because honestly, nobody has it all together, even though a lot of us like to pretend we do.
Don't you believe you are worth more than the tears you're crying and the pain that you've felt?
I do. I believe that even on my worst days. I refuse to let my circumstances define who I am.
But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me." Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. -Isaiah 49:14-15