3 Times Cows Almost Got Me And My Friends

3 Times Cows Almost Got Me And My Friends

When cows attack, it's no joke.

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I love cows, and I love rural Alabama, so naturally, I have a few attack cow stories, y' all. They're cute, cuddly animals, and I would love nothing more than to snuggle with cows for the rest of my life, but sometimes, they get a little squirrely.

Cow vs. RZR

RZR riding with Andrea

Molly Joiner

Now, this is a story all about how
the RZR almost got flipped, turned upside down.
I'd like to take a minute, so just sit right there.
I'll tell you how that cow came out of nowhere.


It was a warm, April day last year when my best friend, Andrea, invited me to come to to ride her fiancé's RZR with her. Naturally, I had to rush out to her house, because riding buggies through mud holes, down dirt roads, and into the great wide wilderness of Chambers county is always a great time.

We decided to leave around lunchtime, and she informed me that while the breaks were "a little sketchy," we'd be just fine since there was little to no traffic.

(I know what you're thinking, "Wow y'all are dumb." Well, maybe we are, but let me tell my story.)

We rode miles and miles of backroads jamming out to everything from Outkast to Merle Haggard. No issues, no traffic, nothing but good times with my best amigo. Hours of joy, laughter, and horribly off-key singing.

With any back road in Alabama, you always run the risk of encountering wildlife; this day was no exception. Shortly after our departure, we were running at speeds approximately equivalent to Danica Patrick, and in hindsight, it probably was a bad idea, but I digress. As we reached a chokepoint on one of the roads, Rae Sremmurd's "Powerglide" blaring at a deafening volume, an Angus heifer began loping across our path. Andrea tried the breaks, but they were useless, so we did the only thing we could do: Andrea floored it while I clutched the O.S. handle until my knuckles turned white.

The heifer was approaching her side as we barely scraped by, and I was certain we were about to be flipped by the cow. That cow never slowed up, and to this day I have no idea how we didn't get rammed by her. But one thing I do know, not a drop of our drinks were spilled that day.

Watermelon Woes

Angus Cattle

Molly Joiner

One night, in a completely dumb, spur of the moment decision. While my friend, Sam, and I were waiting on our horses to finish eating, we were chatting and happened to see some round objects in the neighboring cow pasture. It was dark outside, and we couldn't really tell what they were, but after much speculation, I decided they were wild watermelons. Sam was not convinced, so I jumped the barbed wire fence to go grab one. It was extremely dark, like the kind of night where the moon doesn't shine, and the stars are all dull.

I walked confidently into the pasture, I didn't hear the cows, and it was a huge, forty-acre pasture. They were bound to be anywhere but here right? Wrong. I was wrong. The thing about Angus cattle is most of them are solid black or close to it. And, if you remember, I told you it was a dark night. As I knelt down to grab a "watermelon" I heard a rustling in the grass. As I picked up the melon I locked eyes with what I can only describe as one of hell's demons. Apparently, the cows had all decided to bed down right next to the main entrance of the cow pasture and the watermelon patch was right near several calves.

I'm not saying I am fast, but I am saying I hit a whole new gear as I was trucking it out of that pasture with a mob of angry cows clambering up to meet me. They were bellowing, and I couldn't see any of them. I launched over the saggy part of the barbed wire, tore my jeans, but never dropped that watermelon. Upon further inspection, my injuries were minor, and the melon was a honeydew. I lost the bet, and my dignity that night.

Flying Bull

I work on a small cow-calf operation in central Alabama. Periodically, we have to work all the cows. Working cows consists of sending all the cows, calves, and bulls into a holding pen, sending them one by one into the chute, and vaccinating and doctoring each animal. It's a pretty straight-forward process, and while these are pretty docile cows, there's always one that makes the whole day a touch and goes situation.

On this lovely, spring afternoon, the bull in the Highway Pasture, Dually, came into the holding pen with his herd, docile and quiet as he always does. Things were moving smoothly, and we had about half the cows done. No issues, moving at record time, everything was ship shape. Dually even decided he was going to lie down and catch a quick nap while we worked We didn't bother him, but soon we had almost run out of cows and calves and we needed to get him through the chute.

Well, Dually decided that he, in fact, did not want to go through the chute. Instead, he began trotting angrily around the holding pen sending us sorters into a frenzy. Never play chicken with a bull. Dually ran to the opposite side of the pen, and then bam. Two thousand pounds of bull went flying over the five-foot gate, and into the pasture.

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45 Things Day Care Workers Say All Too Often

Toddlers are pretty much tiny, drunk people.
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Being the keeper of tiny humans can be a very interesting job. You are constantly breaking up arguments, cleaning up messes, trying to keep them safe, and telling them not to do things that are well, sometimes pretty weird. They do and say the strangest things that'll make you wonder what is really going on in their little heads.

1. "No no no, don't do *something crashes to the floor* ....that."

2. "Bubbles in your mouths every body!"

3. "No, we don't eat our friend's snack."

4. "Hands to yourself."

5. "Get off of the table before you hurt yourself."

6. "Why do we even give them spoons?"

7. "We don't put toys in our mouths"

8. "Did you wash your hands?"

9. "Where do we run? Where are we right now?"

10. "Where are your shoes?"

11. "We don't talk like that here."

12. "Go tell them you're sorry"

13. "Get your finger out of your nose"

14. "Inside voices please!"

15. "Every one find a buddy."

16. "Ew ew ew, some body get me a tissue!"

17. "How did your shoes untie already? I just tied them five minutes ago."

18. "We do nice with our hands."

19. "Oh god, it's spaghetti day."

20. "Please, do not put noodles in your hair."

21. "Hold hands until we are on the play ground!"

22. "5 little monkeys jumping on the bed, one fell off and bumped his head..."

23. "Do you have to poop?"

24. "Well you should at least try."

25. "Why didn't you go to the potty before we went outside."

26. "If I hear "Let it go" one more time..."

27. "Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog.."

28. "Mommy and Daddy will come back, I promise."

29. "No, no biting!"

30. "She had it first, you'll just have to wait until she's done."

31. "Ew, why are you dipping everything in applesauce?"

32. "Now, are you going to eat the vegetable with the ranch or just the ranch?"

33. "Then why did you say you weren't eating snack?"

34. "Put your arms back in your sleeves."

35. *Five minutes before closing* "Where are your parents??"

36. "I finally got him to sleep, everyone be quiet."

37. *You see one eye open* "Oh no..."

38. "Wow, all your kids are still sleeping!?" (We wish we said this more often)

39. "Don't eat that, it was on the floor!"

40. "Glue the google eyes on here." *puts the eyes anywhere but there*

41. "Stop fighting over who's going to turn off the lights, you'll get a turn tomorrow."

42. "Don't shove so much food in your mouth at once, you'll choke!"

43. "Chew and swallow your food before you get up."

45. "Don't touch anything until we wash your hands!"

As weird as these small people are, they are some of the sweetest beings on the planet. And although they drive you crazy, at the end of the day, they make you love your job.


Cover Image Credit: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1223221/images/o-KIDS-MESS-facebook.jpg

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The Reality Of Cat Shows

Go in with an open mind, because cat shows may seem totally bizarre, but are incredibly fun and special.

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As a self-declared cat lady, when I decided to attend my first cat show I was hyped to pet all the kitties, and watch them do tricks, or show off their beauty. After attending a few, I know they're totally unique and amazing events that everyone should be attending.

Upon arriving, you will probably need to pay an entry fee, and maybe there's an area for donations for local animal shelters (yes, animal breeders support animal shelters!). You might be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of cats, as far as the eye can see. Having a game plan of cats to visit might seem fun, but just roaming and visiting is a lot more fulfilling, and you may discover breeds of cats you never knew you would love. Usually, cat shows will feature visiting areas for guests attending the show to view, and sometimes pet, the cats. As well as areas where cats are judged and given awards, sort of like miniature stages.

Visitor areas are pretty self-explanatory as you can roam around and look at the dozens of different breeds, of kittens and cats alike. The diversity will amaze you and the cats are all special and loved by their owner. Because cats can catch sicknesses while surrounded by so many other cats, it's important to sanitize your hands before petting, as well as asking the owner if you can pet their cat or kitten. Some may even let you hold their cat, but this would be rare and you shouldn't get your hopes up! While viewing cats, you may find some that are up for adoption and could find a new family member. Some cats are actually people's household pets, and are scored differently from a cat who was bred for its looks!

The competition side is where the cat shows get interesting. You can view any and all competitions, although there will be many occurring at a time. That's because cats will initially be ranked against the cats of the same breed as them, and within those breeds, by gender and color style. Winning best in the breed is the first step to becoming the champion of a cat show. Watch as owners get nervous and excited as the tiny plastic awards go up, showing which cat was victorious. Although all judges can be different, it's fun to see beautiful and friendly cats win awards and look pleased with themselves as their owner smiles with pride.

Later in the day or weekend, one cat will be chosen as the grand champion out of the best in breeds. Usually, fans can vote on their favorite as well, and award a special cat a top prize, although unofficial, for its cuteness and spirit. A hairless cat has won fan favorite at every show I attended!

Go in with an open mind, because cat shows may seem totally bizarre, but are incredibly fun and special. The group of people who participate will love to tell you about their amazing cat and let you in on cat show secrets. A place where cat lovers unite, what could be better?

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