It's been about two weeks since I published an article for the world to read. I wish I could say it was because I was doing something interesting like traveling, or community service, but the truth is, I was adulting. January was a rough month. Emotionally, physically, and financially. I worked constantly, and even began to babysit to pick up some extra money, but when tuition time came around by the end of the month, I didn't have enough. I tried applying for food stamps to help me save some money. Denied. I work too much. And so my battle to move out of college housing began. Despite living on campus for two and a half years already, and being 21, I had to fight to live off campus. I had to prove I was in financial need. I had to beg for the exemption. I couldn't hold it together. It might not sound like much to some, but the start of my year consisted of one bad thing after another. I told my mom that I was going to sell my kidney, and despite the humor behind it, I was serious. By the end of the month I had a can of tuna in my pantry, dark circles had deepened under my eyes, and I was sick to my stomach most of the time due to stress.
Three days after my tuition was due, I hadn't paid a dime out of hope that my housing exemption would go through. I was impatiently checking my email by the hour, and obsessively calling the schools student affairs office. My boyfriend and I decided we both needed a good laugh, and decided to watch the movie "Bridesmaids." For those of you who haven't seen the movie, there is a scene towards the end where the main character, Annie, is having a "pity party." She is complaining about losing her job, getting kicked out of her apartment, not being able to pay her bills and not having any friends. Her friend then starts to harass her and push her around all while saying "I'm life and I'm going to bite you in the ass." I suddenly felt this odd sense of familiarity. Like I was looking into a crystal ball at myself. I felt so disappointed that for the past month I was having a "pity party" for myself. Yes the start of my year wasn't great, but complaining wasn't going to get me anywhere. It might sound odd, but that movie snapped me back into focus.
Life is hard. It pushes you around. It challenges your ability to overcome. It places you in situations where the only outcome seems to be failure and tells you "failure is not an option. You have to find a way." I realized that I have been hit harder than that before. I've been through things no one else has, and I'm still here. I'm still fighting. Since that enlightening moment, things have been looking up. I got the housing exemption (which saves me about $3,000), moved out, and actually slept through the night without waking up out of worry. I know this won't be the last time adulting is going to hit me hard, but next time I'll hit back even harder.
