A few months ago, I posted a sarcastic status on Facebook formally announcing that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing after graduation. Before posting this, I was scrolling through my newsfeed and read about 15-17 different people declaring what they were doing job-wise or education-wise after May 14th. As I was reading, I became very frustrated.

Let me clarify this by saying that I was, and still am, entirely thrilled of the new jobs and education my friends would take advantage of within the next few months. I was frustrated because, in my mind, I had nothing worthy to post on social media as to what I was doing after graduation. After I posted my status, I shut my phone off and went to bed. The following morning I woke up to numerous friends texting me saying how hilarious my post was and how well everyone reacted to it. To my surprise, several people were telling me “thank you” for having the courage to say what kind of notion was on their minds. Over four months later, I still get an occasional “thank you” for posting that status. It makes me grateful that I am not the only person who doesn’t seem to have a rigid plan in place, but it’s also a little bit unsettling to not have any idea about the next step.

Usually the summer after a school year ends is busy—some take classes to get credits out of the way, others work a temporary job to earn extra cash. But, the summer after graduation is somewhat awkward, especially for someone that had no idea what the future held for a new college graduate. My friends were accepting new career offers and/or attending outstanding graduate or medical schools all across the country. Others were getting engaged or married to begin new phases in their personal lives.

As exciting as it was to see them take on these new adventures, I started to panic that I still wasn’t doing anything. I kept thinking about my “announcement” post and thought that not much has changed, which depressed me. This transition from student to college graduate hit me hard; the summer presented many challenges that I did not think that I would have to face. I know I was not the only one encountering these obstacles, but it felt as if I was at times.

I applied to over 200 jobs (I’m not exaggerating, there is a folder in my e-mail specifically dedicated to “Job Opportunities” with all of them in there) and received responses from a fraction of those companies for interviews. After those initial phone interviews, I had a few in-person interviews that I traveled for, which boosted my confidence. However, I would get rejection after rejection once those interviews were complete; worse for some, I would not even hear back from a company in regards to our conversation. I was hurt, angry, frustrated, and confused, making my self-esteem deteriorate—what was it going to take for someone to just say “yes” and give me a chance? The clock was ticking and I was running out of time to give people an answer to the million dollar question of, “What are your plans after graduation?”

As summer was ending, the amount of time left to hang with friends was slipping away. One of my best friends received an AMAZING opportunity to work for a renowned clinical hospital in the nation; this new acceptance meant that she would have to move several hundred miles away from home. We planned on spending the day together in Chicago before she moved. We walked around downtown Chicago visiting typical tourist spots and talking about anything and everything for the entire day. By the time we had to say our goodbyes, I broke down in tears. This was an actual goodbye, not a “see you soon” because we both did not know when the next time we would see each other would be. I realized that we wouldn’t be back on campus to live another year right by each other; we were really going separate ways. Everything was changing so fast; for someone who is not the world’s biggest fan of change, I panicked even more.

Post-grad life was coming full force with reality, which I was not prepared to handle at all. I shut down and tried to shut out everything around me. I felt as if I wasted mine and my parents’ hard-earned money that they sacrificed for college with no job offer or grad school acceptance. I wholeheartedly believed I was worthless and had nothing to offer from my hard work and well-earned degree. I prayed that God would help me and send me something to reassure my faith. My friends were trying their best to encourage me to keep going and my family comforted me to get me back on my feet. My parents told me to enjoy my summer and relish the free time. I constantly heard, “Something great will happen for you; it will work out.”

As much as I wanted to give up, I felt as if I had to keep pushing. I thought that keeping a little bit of hope intertwined with faith would give me a fire to apply for more jobs and hear back from other graduate programs. I was both stubborn and determined that someone was going to say yes and take a chance on me. With the clock still ticking, I got on Facebook once again to see seniors posting pictures of them moving into their apartments and dorms for the last time and other friends gearing up for a new year. Bittersweet feelings kept coming into play of me wanting so badly to go back to Saint Mary’s just one more time as a student, but that time as a student was up. The final tick came and went, and the “alumna” label settled.

Good things come to those who wait, or so I’ve been told too many times to count. Even though I have probably one of the most impatient personalities to exist, God came in at the right time. I received an e-mail from my last graduate school stating an offer of acceptance to their Master’s degree program. I thought I read the e-mail incorrectly, but I reread it and it still said “Congratulations!” The tears flooded again, but they were joyous mixed with relief.

I immediately focused on registering for classes and beginning the next steps towards earning my Master’s degree. I felt as if I finally had something worthy for post-grad life. However, I already had experiences that were worthy. Looking back, I had a “real” summer for the first time since freshman year of high school. I traveled to different parts of the country that I never imagined I’d go to for many years. I tried to visit as many friends as I could, still always wishing I could visit more. I spent major time with my parents by playing countless rounds of Rummy to determine if the chair my mom sat in was really a lucky chair for her winning streak and running errands with them to pass the time and talk. I visited family members that I had not seen in several months, listening to their advice and appreciating their love and support. I caught up with friends from home that I hadn’t talked to in quite a long time, reconnecting those friendships after high school and college.

I realized that I should not have looked at my “next step post-grad” as a competition with others vying for attention. I needed to take that next step for myself and pursue my best interests—after all, that’s what my education at Saint Mary’s taught me to do. Moving forward, I know what I want to pursue academically and practically. My confidence and reassurance from my loved ones, as well as my faith, motivates me to keep pushing for something great, whatever that may be for me in the future. Who knows what’s in store?

To all my Belles, enjoy your time at your home away from home. There are an infinite amount of memories to be made with all your friends, so take advantage of them and make them last. For the seniors (and fellow friends from the class of 2016), as important as it is to start thinking about what your next step is after the g-word, it is also just as ok to not have any clue what you’re doing immediately after the middle of May. Take it from someone who just found out what she was doing not even a few weeks ago. You are young enough to change your mind just as often as you change the channel on TV in between your favorite shows, so change it. You are energetic enough to stay out until the wee hours of the morning laughing with your friends about your adventures going out, so do it. You are strong enough to overcome any challenges that come your way, including taking a path that is not as straightforward as you originally intended, so take it in stride. You are supported enough by your friends and family to encounter their encouragement whenever they offer it, so accept it. You are strong enough to take risks and not know the answer to everything, so embrace it. You are free enough to spend a summer and/or more time off with family and friends from home, so enjoy it. Remember to take a break every once in a while because you absolutely deserve it. When you do, everyone will still be standing behind you to push you forward once you’re ready for the next step.

So, what’s post-grad life like? Well, it certainly is “different,” but it’s a good “different.”