Just like Marty McFly in just about each “Back to the Future,” I don’t want to be viewed as a chicken. So when a dare comes across my path, I’m inclined to take the bait and run with, taking careful consideration of certain legalities, of course. After all, pay for the pizza sans clothing, as appealing as it is, could result in a lawsuit or having to register as a sex offender, and nobody wants that.
If you dare me, however, with some minor challenge, on that won’t find me in jail or having to maintain appropriate distances from schools, I’m sport. You won’t even have to triple-dog dare me.
In my Odyssey Online community chat, one of my beloved friends suggested—nay, dared—someone to write an article describing what your sock styles say about a person, I took the bait. She even offered the categories of socks: crew, ankle, knee, boot, stockings, character socks, fishnets, tights, and...(gasp)…bare!
Can’t be that hard to figure out, right? I mean, those circus psychics pretty must just think some crazy stuff up and often hit the mark. How hard can it be when thinking of socks?
1. Crew Socks
Now, chances are you’re pretty straight laced, especially if this is the sock style that dominates your sock drawer. If they’re all white, I’m guessing you have absolutely no personality and either mother, wife, or someone similar does your sock shopping for you.
2. Ankle Socks
There’s a good chance you’re boring, but at least marginally less boring than the individual that dons regular ole’ crew socks. You might even be athletic, but maybe not. There’s a good chance that your crew socks drew criticisms from bullies, and you want to branch out (but not too far).
3. Knee Socks
Now, I wear some over-the-calf socks with boots, but this style tends to ride a little higher, at least as far as I’m concerned. Rock a pair of these, and I’m guessing you either shop at Hot Topic or some other equally teeny-bopper store with a penchant for coming across as edgy.
4. Stockings
Now, there is some gray area in this category. They could be tights or they could be pantyhose, but my friend says to think of the latter case. Of course, the idea of touching "pantyhose" evokes a similar reaction dragging nails across a chalkboard. No bueno.
5. Character Socks
Now, I personally don’t like character socks, but that’s just me. They are pretty fun to see on others, and they usually indicate a unique fun factor that isn’t present in the other categories. Example: if your shoes come off and I see Darth Vader socks, we’re gonna be friends. “Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”
6. Fishnets
Oooohh! Look at you! So avant-garde and punk. So hardcore and not going to take anyone’s shit. Not that they don’t occasionally look cool, but they can be purchased at Hot Topic, annual Halloween stores, and, quite possibly, Wal-Mart. Bottom line: you’re probably trying too hard wearing these.
7. Tights
This is an odd category, in that tights can be worn as a form of undergarments, but they can also be worn as socks or stockings. I want to say you're probably hoity-toity and wear skirts and dresses on a regular basis, but maybe you even sport these without a covering. If that's the case, I'm not sure what to say.
8. BARE!!!
Maybe you’re a hippie or someone that just doesn’t give a fuck. There’s a good chance your barefoot inclination results in stinky shoes, but so what, right? People that go without socks strike me as free spirited and I respect that. Hell, I prefer going bare as much as I can. Barefoot, too.
So, there you are Molly. You’re welcome. I hope some of these hit the old funny bone.
For those of you who aren’t Molly, what do you think? What’s your particular choice of socks? And are my assertions accurate?
