Coffee. Even that word alone makes me sigh happily, visions of warm mugs and masterful latte art coming to mind. College has done nothing to change my love of caffeine; if anything, it has made my addiction even more acceptable. Coffee culture bleeds through nearly every college campus. When you want to meet a friend, you suggest coffee. If you’re interested in going on a casual-yet-still-somewhat-intimate first date, you think of coffee. As soon as the sun goes down and the paper you’re working on is nowhere close to finished, you know you’re going to need coffee—preferably with an extra shot of espresso.

One of the perks of being a barista is having the entire menu at the tips of your fingertips. The only thing stopping me from making myself a cappuccino for fun is myself. I get to say that I’ve had almost every drink on the menu, even if I can’t stand it. So who better to make a personal opinion of every drink, and what kind of person drinks it?

Espresso

If you order an espresso, I’m automatically going to assume you are a very busy person with places to be and people to boss around. Let’s get past the frills of steamed milk on top, or a shot of vanilla, or even some foam to sip at. You want to get straight to the point, and you are only interested in the barefaced, pure caffeine. Props to you for having your life together when most of us can barely afford Chipotle.

Latte

The word "latte" has sort of a strange connotation. It’s almost basic, almost typical, almost clichéd. But a latte is fun, and so are you! You’re probably laid-back, social, and great at conversation. You’d rather spend your life enjoying it instead of wondering what people think about you and your more-caramel-than-latte latte. The people with you who do care might get a little embarrassed about how carefree you can be, but why waste life pretending to be calm, cool, and collected? You’d much rather have fun.

Cappuccino

The cappuccino lovers are the ones who love foam. You’re the creative ones, with personalities that match the bubbly and frothy nature of a cappuccino. You probably think you’re more sophisticated than you actually are, and you might take yourself a little too seriously. Either way, whichever coffee shop you attend is probably grateful for your existence, because odds are, you’re a regular there.

Americano

Life is too short to take just a shot of espresso, but life is too long to sip through milk when all you really want is the coffee. The solution? Get the strength of espresso, combine it with water, and have a strong drink you can enjoy for a longer amount of time than a few seconds. You’re clever and resourceful, and while you love a fast paced life, you can enjoy a short break, too. You might only spend a minute smelling the roses, but at least you smell them, right?

Cafe Mocha

The taste of coffee isn’t bad, but you’d much rather have the effect of caffeine without the actual coffee. It’s not a bad thing! You just like your drinks sweet, and a mocha is just that. Underneath your fluffy exterior, you have a heart made of steel, and you can handle your coffee as well as the rest of them. Your coffee just doesn’t necessarily taste like coffee all the time. But nobody ever complained about chocolate, so they can just shove it.

(Caramel) Macchiato

Well… you’re either a little too obsessed with Starbucks and you assume that a caramel macchiato is the same everywhere, or you just like to have your coffee strong with a hint of something new. If you’re the Starbucks poster person and your drink of choice is a caramel macchiato, then you love, love the sweet things in life. The coffee isn’t as important as the caramel, and if you could have it your way, there wouldn’t be much caffeine in your drink, period. Plus, it looks beautiful with the rich brown of the coffee on top of the milk.

For those who prefer the traditional macchiato, you’re similar to the espresso drinker — but you like to think that you’re more unique than that. You like to be different, but you don’t like to be too different—just enough to stand out, and just enough to add something new and interesting to the mix of the usual blandness of life.

Drip Coffee

You especially have an addiction for coffee, stronger than the rest of us. While some might argue that drip coffee isn’t as strong as the coffee made from an espresso machine, it’s still coffee, and you’re comfortable making an entire pot just for you. You are not sharing, because you know that you can drink all of it by yourself. And if you drink it black, then you’re not just drinking it for the taste; you need caffeine, and you need it quick.

Non Coffee Drinkers

Those who are afraid of coffee are afraid of life. That’s all I have to say.