What I wish people knew is that it's hard to put into words just how it feels to have anxiety and depression, and often that's what makes it so difficult to handle.
Not many people will understand why it's literally impossible to get out of bed some days. There is no easy way to tell a classmate that the reason you missed your MWF class was because you were terrified to even move. And you don't even know why you were terrified. What people don't understand is that you can be the happiest person, but on the inside you are trying so hard to make it through the day.
In my own experience, it is the feeling of having everything close in on you at once or like you are mentally drowning. Sometimes you feel nothing at all and other times you feel everything and you're super sensitive to even the smallest thing.
Sometimes it's a voice inside my head that repeatedly tells me I have failed today. Sometimes it's simply being around other people and feeling like you have no right to be there with them. When someone asks how you're doing, the answers are never simple.
"I'm doing well" is the easiest thing to say because you never want to burden others with your problems, and you really wouldn't know where to start if you opened up about it.
What terrifies me the most about it is that people will look at me differently or judge me based on what is going on with me internally. It's scary to think that someone will think you just have "issues" and you just need attention. That it's something you can just "get over."
It will never be that simple.
Please tell me how it's attention-seeking that no one knew for a year that I was struggling with this until a friend finally reached out to my parents because they were concerned about how much I slept? Please tell me how I can get over something that I can't even see past, and I will gladly do it.
What I want people to know about anxiety and depression is that it is so common. You never know who is struggling with it, but since I have started speaking out about my personal struggles, I've realized that there are so many others who are too scared to say anything.
What I want people to know is that people who struggle with anxiety and depression do not hate everything and are not just "sad" and "dysfunctional." I genuinely love my life and everything in it, but I don't have the energy to interact some days. I don't have the confidence that everything is going to be O.K., and I get easily overwhelmed.
I wish people knew a lot of things, but what I wish for most is that people will understand it's alright to not know what to say or do, as long as they can understand it's not always easy for someone to talk about or deal with. What I want people to know is that it's a battle that you can never fully win, but that it is a much easier battle to fight when you feel accepted.
