I'm not saying that this is the first season that "Dancing With The Stars" has become a shit show. Actually I never really watch DWTS unless there is nothing else on, and I don't have anything to do. But my co-worker reminded me today that the premiere of the 23rd season was going to grace America's television screens this evening, so I thought: "why not?"

To be honest, I turned the show on at 9 p.m., but the show had started at 8. But I clearly was just in time. None other than Vanilla Ice was dancing his version of the cha-cha to his own one-hit wonder song: 'Ice Ice Baby'. His dance partner said that she was probably in the womb when his song came out.

Vanilla (can I call him that?) said that he is so busy because he is touring all the time. How can you not chuckle from that statement? There was literally nothing resembling the cha-cha, which was fine because "it's the first show!" It was abundantly clear that in that segment, there was one goal in mind for Vanilla Ice: I need to make people remember me, and I need to make myself more relevant again. But why? Are you running out of money? Did you not gain a serious profit from your 76 episode run of your show: 'The Vanilla Ice Project' on the DIY network? (Unfortunately this show has been removed from Netflix, otherwise I would have advised you to take a peek at this most uncomfortable show.)

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Former Governor Rick Perry entered the dance floor with cowboy boots and the image of the Texan flag displayed on the floor. This was highly unsettling. He has run for president. Twice. And yet, here he is, on DWTS, dancing his little unethical heart out on live television. Is he a corrupt government official? You betcha! But is he only "being judged on his dancing tonight?" Well, of course. The 66-year old Texan tried his hardest at being loved by America the only way he knows how, or is the only option he has left: Dancing With The Stars".

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"My fear is that I'm going to go out there and be a failure."
"This is my second chance, and I don't want to blow it."

These are actual quotes that Ryan Lochte said on his first episode on Dancing With The Stars. He honestly did fine when he was dancing, but then it happened. Something happened. A person or group of people rushed on to the dance floor and headed straight toward Ryan Lochte. The TV audience didn't see it, but we saw security guards pass through and the judges were clearly shaken up. Carrie Ann Inaba continually yelled, "get off him! excuse me! get off!" We weren't really given an explanation. But can we just go back to the fact that Ryan Lochte is on Dancing With The Stars?!

This is his first appearance post-Olympic drama, and its ABC that picks him up? It is the hard equivalent of Disney putting an outright liar and ignorant Olympic athlete on a dancing show. It just boggles my mind that ABC would go ahead and put him on the show, conceivably for the ratings. DWTS has NOT gotten more popular as the seasons have gone on, so putting Lochte on the show was a clear ratings move. But damn, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting when they were (hopefully) debating about whether or not to put him on the show. But I guess that's America. First you are a lying criminal, next, you are on a dancing show that is watched by an average of 11 million Americans. #2016America