I have had the unpleasant experience of having a boss shout at me two times in my career: once 13 years ago, the other just days ago. But my reaction to the unpleasant encounters show a stark difference and quite frankly growth and maturity. For one, I am older, and here are 10 things I've picked up along the way as I have become more seasoned that I wish I knew the first time it happened.
1. Remember your boss is human too!
The fact of the matter is our bosses are humans too. They eat like we do, shit like we do and mess up like we do. Some bosses are born to lead, others not so much and the rest are just terrible and miserable human beings who project their misery to inflict pain on others because as the saying goes "misery loves company".
2. Think objectively and look for the best outcome
Now my very first job out here in Atlanta, I worked for a tyrannical leader who I could fashion to the "devil wears Prada" Miranda character, but male. Everyone feared him. And he had become so delusional in life that he believed that everyone needed to be broken and he would remold them into greatness. Had I been a little more mature I could have earned his respect and learned some good things from him along the way (kind of like Andy, Anne Hathaway's character). And in the year I was there, looking back, I sorta did.
3. Keep your cool
If you fight fire with fire, everyone gets burned. Sometimes in the face of adversity being as cool as a cucumber is the only way to go.
4. Analyze the situation.
Along the lines of thinking objectively; did what he or she shout at you have merit? And their delivery was off? Or was it straight baseless and someone just offloading their anger
5. Don't fall into the trap
If it is someone offloading their anger, do not fall into their trap. Do not let them ruin your day. When I worked for my male Miranda, our receptionist would tell me daily "do not let the devil steal your joy." But again, just too young to know how profound this advice was.
6. Formulate a response
After you've analyzed the situation, you have to formulate a response. If like me, this type of behavior catches you off guard and opportunities to rehash or address post-event would be totally inappropriate. Wait for the next occurrence because it will happen again.
7. Address the behavior
My best advice is to keep your cool, close the door and deliver one line; boss (i.e. name of boss), I understand that you feel that I may not have delivered what you expected but you will never talk to me like that again and when you're ready to have a constructive conversation about the situation, I will be in my office
Figure out the timing
Whether you can think on your feet or have to wait for another attack to address, you have to assess the best time to deliver your tailored message
9. Be prepared
Be prepared for anything, most good leaders will apologize, others will double down but if your message is clear and respectful, and whether they tell you they agree or not, 9 out of 10 times, it will not happen again.
10. Let it go and be prepared to move on.
Don't harbor a grudge. After it is addressed and discussed, let it go. If things don't improve to a standard you deserve, be prepared to walk away.
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