She didn’t respond. You know the feeling. You’ve finally gotten over the tough part, asking for the phone number. Swiftly, she responds with 10 digits. You feel like you’ve been given the access code that will crack open a safe filled with valuable jewels. You feel like you’ve gotten a pretty girl’s phone number, which is good, because that’s exactly what happened.

But now she’s not responding. There you stand, gripping your strangely textured phone. You opened with a very aware reference to the fact that Facebook Messenger just wasn’t cutting it and you’d like to switch virtual mediums. Did her phone break? Maybe the call didn’t go through? She could’ve been one of those people that upped and joined a cult, even though cults are super out right now. Unless it’s a cult of people that watch "Family Matters" together, then that’s admirable. Hey, you like "Family Matters." Why didn’t she ask you to come along? Maybe she just is playing the whole “I want him to pursue me!” card. Which is tricky. Should you send her lots of gifts? Like a mule or a collection of amusement park damaged pennies? Did she run away and become Amish? If she did, should you write her a letter saying “Amish you?”

It’s not you. You gave it a shot. You’re a nice guy. She probably just wanted to pursue a friendship first. ~Bing~ What was that noise? Why, it was the chime that alerts you of your phone receiving a text! You idiot! Your phone’s plugged into the wall. You’ve been holding an orange this whole time! That’s right! An orange! A classic mix-up. The ol’ “this is an orange, my phone’s been plugged into a wall this whole time” switcheroni! Oh. It’s just a text from your landlord, telling you your rent is six months over due and you’re being evicted! Well, at least you’ve still got the orange.