For the past five years I was obsessed, and that is not to be taken lightly, with One Direction. Anyone who knows me, knows how far it went. But really anyone who knew of them or what their tattoos looked like could probably tell. I mean, I had a backpack with Louis Tomlinson’s tattoos on it that pretty much screamed “I love One Direction”. Also I may or may not have three shirts with their tattoos/sayings on it. Safe to say I really liked them.

I don’t really know how it started, but I’m glad it did. It wasn’t just about their music or how cute they looked. A lot of it was the friendships they brought me. Specifically, my one internet friend who lives all the way in Florida. She messaged me one day on vine and it was an instant connection. I just knew two years ago that we would be close forever. It was scary how much we had in common. But sadly, we still haven’t met. We didn’t just bond over One Direction. It was silly meaningless conversations that made us close, talking on the phone for hours, and giving advice when needed. She’s one of the best things that came out of me loving this band.

Whenever I was scared or nervous about something, I would always play a One Direction song. It’s strange, but it helped calm me down. There is something about their voices that is so soothing to listen to. These five, I would say, are a big reason that helped me love myself more. I remember thinking sometimes I was nothing and no one really liked me. It’s obvious I’m not the prettiest or skinniest girl around, I have curves, and acne all over. I just wasn’t loving who I was physically. I tried to change, yes, but I always ended up into my bad habits again. Whenever I felt this way about myself, I would play one specific song of theirs, “Little Things”. It made me feel important, like I was pretty and I knew I should’ve been more confident in myself, but I wasn’t. I had zero confidence growing up, it sucked, but that’s where these boys came into my life and filled the spots that made me feel down.

But let’s go back to the beginning. July 23, 2010, that day was when I celebrated my 12^th birthday with my friends. We went to a pottery shop and all made plates. I engraved the date on mine and painted it purple and black. The plate sat on top of the TV on a stand for everyone to see. Fast forward two years, when I really got into them, I looked at my plate again. I thought about it and then suddenly it hit me that that day was the same day One Direction were put together as a group. *Cue fan girl moment.*

My room was not covered in posters, which would have been awesome, but I only had a bookshelf with all my band merchandise on it and two posters hanging above my mirror. Now my door is where the fangirling really took place. It was covered in posters and collages I had made. It was clear that it was my room when walking down the hallway.

I was really embarrassed in high school to admit to anyone that I liked One Direction. I felt I would’ve gotten made fun of because I was into a boy band. I remember whenever I wore One Direction things around my family, they would make fun of me. It hurt a lot. I know they did it with no intention of coming off that way, but to me it did. This just made me hide my love for them even more to prevent other people from dong the same. Only toward the end of my senior year was when I was truly comfortable with telling everyone I liked them and showing it off. Looking back on it now, it was silly.

Going to my first One Direction concert, “Where We Are”, was the highlight of my 2014 year. Spending hours waiting in line, and then standing and screaming at the top of our lungs for them and singing when you know you can’t. It was an unbelievable feeling. The most important part of the night was actually seeing them. Up until this moment it was all through screens and headphones, but in that moment, it was all surreal that they actually do exist. It sounds crazy, but really at the time all I could think about was how close I was to Zayn Malik.

The following year I went to “On The Road Again” tour. That one was just bitter sweet. I was so excited I got to see them again, but this time they were missing a key member. It just didn’t feel the same. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved every minute of that night. It was just weird seeing four and not five. Also, I was a Zayn girl, so that made things hurt more.

I had a feeling that was going to be the last I saw them together.

A few months later they announced their long overdue 18-month break. Now at first I was devastated, not as devastated as when Zayn left though, because they had been in my life for the past five years and had put out an album every year so to not have that this year was quite the change. They helped me through my bad times and now they needed to rest up and help themselves. I will always be a directioner no matter if they are together or not or even how old I am.

I still to this day fan girl whenever I listen to their songs or watch old interviews and music videos. It will always be apart of me. That’s how I grew up and learned to love myself. It was truly with the help of these five boys. It is possibly the craziest thing ever heard of, unless you know how far I’ve come since listening to their music. I’m proud of the fan girl I used to be and still can be.