What No One Ever Tells You About Being Single

What No One Ever Tells You About Being Single

It can be one hell of a time.

When you're in your 20s, it seems like new relationships are popping up all around you like groundhogs, or better yet, your friends are starting to get engaged. If you're that one single person in a sea of little guppies happily in love, it's more than likely that as happy as you are for these people, you'd like to hit those relationships back into the ground like Whack-a-Mole. But, that would be the naïve thing to do, now wouldn't it? There is such a negative connotation around being single, that you have to be in a relationship and you have to be in love and you have to go on dates and you have to make sacrifices and compromises. It's not "okay" to be single, and as your old Aunt Betty always says to you at your Christmas Eve dinner, "When are you going to find yourself a handsome, rich man?"

Well, Aunt Betty, maybe I don't want a handsome, rich man right now. You know what, as a matter of fact, I actually don't need a handsome, rich man, ever. When I choose to be in a relationship, it will not be because he is handsome or rich, but for who he is on the inside, but that's beside the fact. The point is, there's so much societal and familial stress put on being in a committed relationship with someone, when little do these people know how much you can truly learn about yourself while you're single.

Since I've begun my adventures through Singleville, I've found the most profound happiness I have ever known. Want to know why? Being single has allowed me the time and space to learn how to love myself. I don't have anyone to depend on to tell me that I look beautiful or that I'm actually not fat or that my pimple really doesn't look that bad. I don't have anyone to pride me on my accomplishments or pick me up from my failures 24/7. All I have is me, myself and I. I've had to depend on myself to look in the mirror and love who I see. I've had to depend on myself to push myself to work harder towards my goals and lift myself up after every single time I fall down. Maybe that sounds horrible to you, but you see, you can't fully love someone else until you are completely and wholeheartedly in love with yourself.

In Singleville, I'm on my own time. I can sit down and read the ten books I've been putting off in a matter of a week if that's what I really want to do. I can research a cool science project I've been dying to try or buy brand spankin' new camera equipment or maybe even get that furry little friend I've wanted for so long. I have all the time in the world, and that time is all my own. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to worry about someone else's agenda.

Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being in a happy, healthy, loving relationship with someone else. Coming from someone who has been in one, I can say that it was one of the most influential experiences of my life. I learned so, so much from it, but I didn't learn how to love myself and be my own person, and that's what being single has taught me. So embrace your time being single, don't knock the giddy lovers back in to the ground, but be a giddy lover yourself, with yourself.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Stop Making Instagram Your Only Outlet For Social Activism

Instagram is a great place to spread awareness, but stop confusing your desire for clout with your desire to save the world.


Instagram is, without a doubt, one of my guiltiest pleasures. I often find myself spending way too much time on social media, caught up in the world of likes, filters, and hashtags. On the daily, I scroll through hundreds of selfies, beach pictures, happy birthday posts, and the occasional dog pictures. I am all for posting whatever you want on your Instagram account and personally hate the so-called "rules" that govern how we use social media.

Just as the use of Instagram and other forms of social media keeps growing, so has our generation's awareness of social issues. Everywhere I go, I get reminded of the issues our world is facing. Whether it be plastic, global warming, poverty, animal rights, etc., it is clear that our generation wants to see a change. Even though this is amazing, recently I've noticed that so many people my age are confusing the true desire to spread social awareness with the desire to make their Instagram account look better.

A few months ago on Earth Day, my Instagram feed was flooded with pictures of nature. Almost all of these pictures were of girls at the beach, or hiking with their friends, or even taken from the window of an airplane. While the idea of posting about how much you love the Earth and want to save it is a harmless idea, it does nothing to actually save the planet.

I fully support posting a picture of yourself at the beach, and showing off your confidence, but don't post it on Earth Day, pretending it's the ocean behind you that you care about. If you really want to save the Earth and make a difference, posting a yearly Earth Day picture of yourself is not the way to do it. Wanting likes and clout on social media is a part of how today's generation values themselves and each other, but thinking that this is actually promoting any form of social justice is plain wrong.

More recently, videos of baby calves being taken away from their mothers (highlighting the truth behind the dairy industry) have been flooding my social media feed. These videos are heartbreaking, and I am sure that the people posting them truly think they are horrific as well. Posting this type of content is a great way to spread initial awareness, but don't let it be your only outlet for promoting justice for the things you care about.

Social media keeps our world extremely interconnected, and without it, awareness of many of the problems our world is facing wouldn't reach nearly as far as it does. I'm not saying that using Instagram to spread awareness is a bad idea, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be your only outlet for doing so.

If you hate how much plastic our world consumes, go around to local stores and restaurants and ask them to cut their use of plastic. If you hate how the dairy industry treats cows, become a vegan. Promoting awareness while not actually doing anything to change the issues at hand is useless. Our generation is so strong and powerful, and we all need to stop hiding behind our desire for Instagram likes and start actually changing the things we care about.

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