Well, it’s that time of year again. People have begun to bust out their tank tops and flip flops and once again realize how incredibly pasty white their thighs are. There are fresh, bright pink sunburns and unusually sweaty armpits to prove that it’s just about summertime. Late Spring/early Summer always bring out a different side of people. What sort of swimsuit will I get? Where will I go on vacation? What sort of highlights can I put in my hair that I can pretend came from the sun? And of course - the annual question for girls with long hair - will this finally be the summer I chop off all my locks so I don’t have to deal with them through all the heat?

I myself have just asked myself that last question. Every summer, when it gets so hot that our hair is adding 10 more degrees of heat to our head and is sticking to our backs, those of us with long hair ask ourselves: “Why am I putting myself through this torture? I just want to lob it all off and have a cute bob. Taylor Swift did it, so I can too, right?” Coming from someone with a full head of hair reaching down to my waist, I can tell you having that much hair when it’s 95+ degrees outside is a real pain, and this impulse to chop it all off is completely valid.

However, the second I contemplated getting a bob, my heart immediately sank at the thought of my locks falling to the floor- strands of hair I’ve literally been growing for years now. Short haircuts look adorable, but I’ve worked so hard to grow it all out! Could I bear to part with it?

The answer is no. It will relieve many of you to know that I finally realized I’m a total scaredy-cat and am simply not ready for that step in my life yet… However, in my contemplation prior to coming to that conclusion, I started reading some articles about haircut remorse and how other girls had reacted to cutting off their hair. I found a few BuzzFeed articles with some clever gif’s and funny explanations of the different terrifying stages of haircut remorse, and they all seemed pretty equally negative towards the idea of getting drastic haircuts. However, what I found after that was more disturbing than simply regretting one’s own styling choices.

I found several articles written by girls who had cut off all their long hair and were filled with regret later. What was disturbing, though, was not that they regretted their cut, it was why they regretted it that bothered me. These girls felt remorseful because their husbands or boyfriends had basically shamed them for cutting off the long locks of hair which the men had associated with their woman’s femininity. These women said that their male partners said things along the lines of “But I loved your long hair! It was so beautiful and feminine. Why would you cut off your crowning glory?” I don’t even have a boyfriend or husband and I can relate to this. I’ve talked to several guys who have actually threatened me (lovingly… sort of) when I told them I was thinking of cutting my hair off. They described it as “something only butch girls do” or said things like “Girls look too much like little boys if they cut off their hair. It just doesn’t look right.”

I didn’t quite realize how outrageous this idea was until very recently when reading these articles. There are hundreds of ways that girls are pressured to look and act in our society that tend to end up being more destructive than beautiful, but this is the one I’ve come most face-to-face with over the last few years. A girl’s femininity should never be determined by the length or style of her hair, and it should never cost her her dignity. Why are girls being shamed for wanting to have their hair a different length than the ‘typical’ girl?

Now, before I continue, I want something to be made clear. I do think that men and women should have different features or marks of beauty in coordination with their gender. I don’t believe men and women were meant to be exactly the same in the way they dress and act. I think it’s important that we have a vague sense of what it means to dress and style ourselves like a respectable man or woman. But it’s not an exact science; it’s not as though hair any shorter than one’s ears = no longer feminine. It’s not like that.

I can’t quite describe exactly what it means for a woman to dress like the respectable and confident woman she should be, and I know some of us will disagree as to exactly what it looks like. But there is a way to dress feminine. It takes a million different forms, but I believe women were meant to pursue that femininity as part of their womanhood, even if it will look different on every single girl. Women should own womanhood in whatever way they can because it’s beautiful.

Thus, I’m also saying that a girl simply having short hair does not make her appear any less of a woman. There is most definitely a way to have a very very short hair and still be extremely feminine and beautiful. The problem here is that this standard is trying to be one that you can measure, and I mean that very literally. Having hair that is x number of inches long is basically the equivalent of having size x waist or boobs. However, it can’t be just the inches of hair a girl has on her head that makes her feminine. That can only be part of the puzzle that makes up a woman’s appearance.

For example, let’s say you see a girl wearing nothing but black, thick, clunky clothes full of buckles and skulls and completed with some black lipstick and heavy eyeliner. You would probably say she was “goth” or “emo,” right? Now, I’m not saying it’s at all okay to label people this way or to suppose you have someone figured out by their appearance, but for the sake of the example, I’m going with what most people would assume. You wouldn’t assume this girl is “goth” simply because the color black is inherently gothic and anytime you wear it you must automatically be listening to some screamo, punk band, right? No, you presume she is “goth” because she is wearing extremely dark makeup and an excessive amount of black clothes - clothes that are particularly dark, clunky and dreary. What I’m getting at is that it’s not any one particular piece of clothing that this girl is wearing that makes you assume she’s “goth” but rather the whole image of her appearance altogether.

In the same way, a woman cannot and should not be considered butch simply because she has short hair. Instead, take a look at how she presents and carries herself altogether. Take, for example, Alexandra Shipp, an African-American actress who played Storm in the most recent Marvel movie, “X-Men: Apocalypse”. I watched a video of an interview with her the other day and realized she had a completely shaved head. Just look at her.

Her hair is shorter than a buzz, and she is still blindingly stunning. She’s absolutely gorgeous and feminine, and yet her hair isn’t exactly what you would consider ‘typical’ for a woman. How could someone this gorgeous and graceful be seen as not feminine? And she’s only one of hundreds of women I’ve seen totally rock super short hair while still looking both respectable and badass.

This pressure to have luscious hair long enough to please boys is absolutely ridiculous, but it’s real. I recognize that a man’s desire for women to have long hair can sometimes come from a place of love and admiration of beauty. I understand that long hair is beautiful and interesting and traditional. But I also understand that short hair is beautiful. What I propose, though, is this: 1) Long hair is not intrinsically tied to being feminine, so stop making girls believe they must have long hair to be true women, and 2) being feminine is about the whole of how one carries herself, most importantly in the way she loves and acts. Let’s stop telling women their entire feminine identity is based on the length of their hair or the size of their thighs.

I realize that I sit here typing this article with a full head of hair tied in a braid and that it might be easier for me to say these things when I’m not the one cutting my hair. However, I didn’t not cut my hair because I was worried I wouldn’t be enough of a woman without it. Rather, I didn’t cut my hair because I’ve worked extremely hard to get it to be the length it is, and I think it suits me better than short hair does at this time in my life. It’s something I currently treasure too much to part with as of yet - something I believe to best suit my femininity right now.

I’m not saying everyone can pull off a pixie cut, or that you shouldn’t have any concern at all for how you cut your hair. If a pixie cut doesn’t quite suit your face shape, steer clear. But if you feel like long hair doesn’t suit you and you could better express your femininity through a bob, then go for it. Ultimately, it’s up to you and the way you believe you can most appropriately demonstrate your womanhood.

Also, at the end of the day, it’s just hair. It will grow back.

Don’t be afraid to try out new things, and, most importantly, don’t worry about part of your identity being chopped off when your locks are. Your personhood remains intact.

You are not your hair.