You have blown the cartridge, hit reset three times and all the controllers are plugged in. It's time to start your engines and play some "MarioKart"! (Okay, so they don't actually have cartridges that need blowing anymore.)

But who to race as? If you're wrestling with this dilemma, use this as a guide to choose the character that's most appropriate for you.

Mario: You are a big fan of apple pie, vanilla ice cream, and the only thing you order at McDonald's is a Big Mac. No flash, no pizzazz. You are all about getting to the finish line in the least memorable way possible. 

Luigi: You either have an older sibling, a parent, or a life mentor who has made your life a living hell. Your game plan is to stock up on blue shells and reign tortoise shell hell-fire on the cocky bastard sitting in first place. You are out for you.

Peach: The typical Peach player also enjoys Pumpkin Spice Lattes, the Twilight saga and the phrase "I can't even."

Toad: You are speed. Playing with Toad is like ordering your Cane's toast with butter on both sides. It is reserved for that special night when the stars have aligned and burning rubber and slanging turtle shells is at the top of the itinerary.

Yoshi: Yoshi players are not known for playing with their food. This selection is just off center enough to subtly let your opponents know that you probably know something they don't. Shortcuts are a crucial part of what you do and you are not afraid to ride around with a stream of bananas trailing you for half of the race. You should win almost every time and if not, it might be time for a MarioKart intervention.

Donkey Kong: Your daily routine consists of waking up, loading your coconut gun, putting on your red tie and swinging your way to your first class. You are abnormally hairy and especially adept at the musical stylings of the bongo. OOOOOH BANANA!!!

Wario: I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. As you confirm the selection of Wario, you need to stop and reconsider your life. Have you really suffered that much? Do you really feel like this is it for you? Wario brings no redeeming qualities and if he is your go-to character. Please get some help. 

Bowser: Wow. When you choose to play as the main enemy in every Super Mario game your objective shifts from winning the race to destroying everything. You are the player that nudges unsuspecting Toad off the ledge in Yoshi's Valley and nothing tickles you more than a perfect squash rate after a lightning blast. Reserve Bowser for battle situations only unless you are expecting the purge and hate puppies, pizza and Christmas.