Those three words have so much meaning to so many, but to just as many others, it means nothing. Love in itself is a mixture of joy and trust. My best friend only genuinely uses the word love to describe me and his parents, any other use of the word is done ironically or is insincere. And I have only felt love one other time in my life and it has ended in tears and lots of threats directed at the object of my affection. So when my boyfriend of two weeks said that he loved me I almost dumped him and went into a panic attack on the spot. When I say love, I have made a conscious decision that you are the object of my affection, but in this instance I was thrown. I don’t know if it was self doubt or doubt in him or it was too soon, but I had to sit back. Is this person going to be the one I prioritize, idolize and adore more than life itself? I already adored him. I already wanted to be around him all the time. But love? When I say I love you, I mean it. I would take a bullet for you. I would travel for hours in the snow just to get to you. I mean that I enjoy and trust you. When I say I love you I mean it, and I most definitely do love you. Darling never forget that.
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Have you ever been in a heated argument with someone and they suddenly drop the F-bomb on you? As soon as that one word is said, the argument immediately takes a turn for the worst because now you are no longer angry about the topic of the argument, but you are angry that someone had the nerve to speak to you in such a way. I find it particularly amazing that a single word could evoke such emotions. An F-bomb, along with its cousin words $!*t, @*$, #%^!! (you get the gist of it) are like the ticking time bombs of the English language. Now I'm not here to justify or judge cursing in anyway. I simply aim to propose a possibly controversial question: Why the bleep do we give cursing so much bleeping power?
Growing up, I was exposed to two very different views on cursing. I have a parent who completely despises the idea of a curse-friendly vocabulary, calling the forbidden words "dirty" and "ugly". On the complete opposite side of the spectrum is my parent who sees no harm in using a curse word here and there, or in every sentence. The funny thing is, no matter their perspective on cursing, neither of them would approve of that kind of language from my lips. I understand that it is only a matter of respect and, consequently, would never dream of uttering a single curse word while in their presence. At the same time, I still question why it would be so awful for me to let one slip if I were to stub my toe or drop a glass. It is just a word, isn't it?
Words can be extremely powerful. Being a writer, I am very much aware of that. However, I still cannot understand the power of a curse word. When certain letters are placed in a distinct order, the word is formed and becomes a force that can easily explode into an argument just as quickly as it can end one. Yet, take away a few letters and replace them with symbols such as @ and #, and it becomes okay. Replace a person's voice with a high pitched beeping sound and it is like the word was never said. Why? We all still know what the symbols are meant to spell and how the bleep had originally sounded. Somehow we are led to believe that just because we can neither see nor hear it, it loses its strength and meaning. If that is true, then why not say you love someone less when you can't hear the words "I love you".
I suppose our ongoing dispute with curse words is due to the way we were raised. Children should not curse. Cursing is bad and it's disrespectful. Adults, on the other hand, can curse. For that, we can say that cursing is equal to the consumption of alcohol; it's an adult thing. Like all "adult things", it will make its way to teenagers. Still being a teen myself (although I'd like to think I'm an adult), I am no stranger to how often the average teen will curse. However, most of the time, they aren't cursing to pick a fight or sound angry. They are just talking. That big, bad curse word that five-year-old self you used to become a tattletale for is now just a word you say when joking around with your friends. I've noticed that adults also use curse words as if they were always meant to be harmless. I can see the elders cringing and shaking their heads in disappointment when they hear the extensive vocabulary being used so carelessly.
Like I have already mentioned, I am neither for nor against the use of curse words. I simply don't understand them. We can speak them, but can't see or hear them? It can be used as an insult and equally as a friendly greeting? How can it be so powerful and meaningless at the same time? I won't pretend to know it all. Instead, I shall leave it up to you to determine what the f*&% cursing is really about!
You have to hustle between finishing your higher education and jump-starting your career. There’s a lot of pressure coming from your family, your peers, and most importantly, the pressure you put on yourself to become the absolute best.
Yet, it’s so easy to get lost in all the desires to be instantly successful and recognized. But in an era where everyone is trying to achieve the same thing, instant gratification is not the way to make it in the long term. I know it’s tempting to appear to be #blessed by donning Cartier bracelets worth your entire college tuition fees. Maybe you long to buy yourself a Range Rover and customize it with extravagant decors, but let’s be real, normal people don’t really live like that.
As a 20-something fresh graduate, I know how difficult and scary it is to start this chapter in our lives. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and so ridiculously afraid of making mistakes. On the other hand, my yearning to emulate the Kardashians and the Jenners, like many millennials these days, sidetracked me. It made me focus on the wrong reasons as to why I strive to be successful. Sure, being well-known for your successes and have the riches as proof can be great. Be that as it may, if you’re not happy and content when you go to bed at night, you need to retrace your steps.
Based on the advice given by entrepreneur and marketing expert, Gary Vaynerchuk here, this article is for you, my fellow, struggling, 20 year olds who’s trying to make it in this harsh, superficial, digitally-driven world.
Explore your options
Being cautious can have its advantages but you can utilize your youth to explore different paths. Flirt with different ideas and reach outside your comfort zone. If you don’t consider all the options that you want to do, the thought of ‘what if’ can be crippling. It will prevent you from reaching your highest potential. There are so many young adults in their early 20s that are unhappy with where their life is going due to pressure from parents and family members. Don’t punish yourself by doing something you know you won’t enjoy doing for 10+ years. Take your time to find something that you do love and are passionate about. If you want to explore the world before settling down, go for it. Or if you want to start your own startup company, just do it. Pursue what you want to do and ignore what others have to say.
Never look at others’ successes
Do not ever compare yourself with others. You might see other millennials hit important milestones early in their 20s but always remember that everyone is doing what they’re supposed to do at their own paces. Of course, through social media, it’s easier to highlight one’s material achievements. However, those Instagram posts from ‘rich kids’ are just shallow portrayals of superfluous successes.
When you compare your successes to others, this can deter your motivation and you may have a hard time bouncing back from the rut. The jealousy and envy is toxic. Every second you spend on thinking about what somebody else has achieved is taking away the time you can use to create something out of yourself. Channel that energy to motivate yourself to do better and beat your previous accomplishments. We are our greatest competitions after all.
Prepare to make sacrifices
Be willing to sacrifice weekend hangouts or pub crawls with your besties. The time for entertainment can be used to better yourself, your career, and your life as a whole. The time spent chilling with friends every afternoon is likely to be reduced to just a weekend brunch or a quick dinner. Get ready to spend those free times by doing work to meet deadlines.
With that being said, since it’s your 20s after all, life can often be forgiving. The sacrifices you make doesn’t have to be drastic; it can be small yet impactful. Know how to balance out your responsibilities with your leisure time. The quick dinners and weekend brunches with friends might seem short, but as long as you keep thinking of these times as a reward after all the work you did, then you’re good to go.
Set a realistic goal
You want to be a millionaire by the time you’re 25? Good luck because you’ll be needing all of it. All those people on Forbes’ 30 under 30 list have been working their asses off before they were even legal. Some became millionaires because of pure luck or their fortunes were served on a silver platter. Rather than focusing your energy to become extremely rich, steer your attention towards enriching your life instead. Like said before, your 20s is your prime. It’s the perfect time to explore and experience new things. But it doesn’t mean you can let go of all responsibilities and ignore the consequences. It’s okay to dream big, but when exploring those paths, set a realistic and beneficial goal that you can actually see yourself achieving.
Enjoy the grind
At the end of the day, whatever you’re doing to achieve success should be enjoyable. Embrace the journey of getting there; no matter where ‘there’ is. Even if you have to flip burgers at a fast food joint to make ends meet or cater demanding clients, you must find joy in the smallest thing to avoid discouragement and resentment. The journey is always more essential than the destination. On your way up, you can learn critical skills and knowledge that you can use in the long run. Getting to the top instantaneously can leave you empty as it allows you to do less enriching work. Knowing that you’ve put in 110% into everything is enough to fill you with joy and keep you motivated.
Love your battle scars
Recognize all your failures and welcome it with a positive mindset. All our mistakes and failures will open new doors that can lead to something greater. Never ever be too hard on yourself if you get rejected from that prestigious master’s program or if you’ve been turned down from the perfect job position. Never be afraid of failure because you know that you gave it your all. These minor setbacks could propel you further in your career. “The universe will unfold as it should.” Keep this mantra close through thick and thin. It can reassure you that no matter what obstacles you’re facing, it can lead to greater and better things, and all your failures will make you who you are today.
Slow & steady wins the race
Your 20s is the moment to practice your patience. Slowly work your way up your career ladder or save money for that big solo trip you’ve always dreamed of. Know that nothing can be achieved overnight. You must dedicate time and effort, sometimes for years, before you can see results. You may see a lot of hares out there who have achieved great things early on in their 20s but fret not, with constant hard work and dedication, tortoises always reach the finish line no matter how long it takes.
Reflect from time to time
When push comes to shove, always come back to yourself and reflect. Always ask yourself who are you doing all this for? What does success mean to you? The answer should always benefit you and yourself alone and not for any other reasons. To obtain happiness is, of course, the ultimate reason why you should do anything. Other reasons like to make your parents proud or to pay off those student loans can also help to drive you forward. If you sense that I’m beginning to lose grasps on why you should live a productive life, look for motivation elsewhere. I often read the prose Desiderata by Max Ehrmann that teaches you how to live, not just your 20s, but your entire life, positively and happily. Regular reflections can keep you grounded and in check with your ideals.
Don’t beat yourself up
Whatever your goals may be and whatever your idea of success is, be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t hold yourself accountable for arbitrary fantasies. Bear in mind that everyone’s journey is different. No matter what your goal is and no matter how you’re going to achieve that, be sure to savor this time. There will be less room in your 30s and 40s to make mistakes and redeem yourself. There’s a reason why there are so many articles out there calling your 20s as the worst, hardest period yet your most important decade. This decade is forgiving; it forgives all your failures and the wrong choices made. All in all, whatever you decide to do with your 20s, strive to make the most of it by keeping true to your goals and your principles.
Febriana Ramadhanya is currently writing as an English Editorial Content Writer for a Malaysian-based price comparison website, iPrice Group. She’s also still getting used to (weirdly) referring to herself in third person. For more lifestyle articles please visit iPrice Group