I am dedicating this to anyone who has ever felt frustrated, rather then empowered, by an experience inspired by selfless intentions.

Now that I have had time to process my experience on Study Abroad in Tanzania this summer, I thought I would share my thoughts. This is my personal perspective based on my individual experience, and I hope that it can be perceived as such. By no means do I want to continue to create assumptions, misconceptions or even stereotypical images of this area of the world that our society tends to be drawn toward. I am merely speaking my truth, through the lens of my perspective.

In my eyes, there is no better way to begin unfolding my experience in Tanzania, East Africa other than to quote Brianna Ziegler, a former Peace Corps volunteer stationed in central Tanzania herself. The words within her diary truly grasp the internal reflections I have had, and continue to have about my study abroad. Thus, to reference her diary, Ziegler wrote, “I wanted to come here to have the world break my heart”, as a testimony to her pre-intentions and personal internal purpose. This wasn’t a reflection of self-destruction or emotional turmoil, but a defining statement of truth.

Throughout the summer I learned that, in a way, I wanted the world to break my heart too. This sense of heartbreak is also an inclination of the truth I was pining after. That very truth arose through my time in Tanzania, exposing the complexity of our world, development work, and maneuvering cultural contexts. I wanted to understand, in great depth, the circumstances that I experienced, observed, and learned about while I was in Tanzania. The reality of intellectually, philosophically, emotionally and physically being present within this area of the world is that it does not yield to any evidence of oblivion. There is a demand to feel, in great depth, what you are seeing with your eyes, engaging with your heart, and comprehending with your mind. The challenge is letting go of pre-conceived notions, and instead, opening your mind to the possibility of the unknown. However, I do not wish to over romanticize or over-exploit my experiences based on my time spent there, and that is one reason why I feel somewhat heartbroken; I am partially heartbroken because my state of speaking on behalf of this experience rests on a very fine line – a line I recognize to be the very reality that no one can fully understand an experience abroad, unless they experience it for themselves.

With this in mind, I would rather express how my study abroad experience highlighted my emotions, while challenging my intellectual understanding of “development”. As I read articles, participated in class discussions, and administered interviews within field study, during our time in Naitolia Village (Northern Tanzania), I found myself being constantly contested by the idea of inequality defiantly present in our world. The inequality of resources, living standards, personal rights, education, gender roles, and power are all aspects of life today, however, many of us are lost in a state of oblivion regarding such implications. There exists a numbness that guides privilege silently, yet when you go abroad, you start to feel. From the most devastating emotions to the most outwardly exuberant, you are feeling it all. The beauty in this is that what you are seeing connects with you on a level of depth that remains forever. For me, engaging with the people I came across on my study abroad will continue to have the greatest impact. The genuine conversations, unique perspectives, and dialogues in Swahili all brought me a sense of unending gratefulness for the immensity of our world, and the versatility of human beings on our planet.

Yes, I saw elephants and giraffes on safari, and ate an endless amount of chapati and beans, but more importantly, I found a profound sense of depth that shook the foundation of my personal perspective, giving me a sense of fluidity and movement. To feel is to experience in great profundity the world, straying from the comfort of numbness. I may have felt a sense of heartbreak, but as time has passed, it has become a source of my empowerment for the future.

Sometimes the world is a harsh place to foster positive change, but that does not mean change is impossible, especially for those willing to find resilience within darkness.