The year 2015 taught me a lot about myself and other people. I had always believed myself to be a strong person with the stubbornness necessary to never be pushed around. I thought I was like Elizabeth Bennett from "Pride & Prejudice," a woman who could stand up for herself and never once allow other people to take the lead.
What I learned in 2015 is that I can't depend on another person for happiness. It's cliche and we hear it time and time again, but the phrase rings true now that I look back on the last year, "Learn to love yourself before you can love someone else." Nobody should be your reason for happiness if they become the only source of happiness in your life. You have to be in control of your own happiness, an independent person that doesn't need anyone else to reassure you of who you are. 2016 is going to be the year where I can find myself and be the person that I want to be, not worrying about whether it suits anyone around me, because sometimes it's important to be selfish, it's important to make yourself happy before you seek to make another happy.
Another thing I learned in 2015 is that mistakes are some of the greatest things that can happen to you. It's like we're taught throughout our lives to get things just right because we can't afford to make mistakes; but once you accept that mistakes happen and that you can't avoid them, everything becomes so much easier to handle and you'll find yourself happier and more in control of your emotions. Stress is caused by all of that fear that we feel from trying so hard to avoid mistakes and then, once mistakes are made, trying so hard to not fall apart because of them. So what if you don't get an A? So what if you make an ass of yourself in front of a cute guy or girl? Your life will still move on and the world won't get thrown out of orbit because of the things you do wrong. Make a mistake and accept it, because a weight will be lifted off your shoulders once you find yourself more in control.
Finally, I learned that I'm human. I had always thought I could shield myself from letting go and finding myself in the position of having another person affect the way I think and act. I thought that I was numb to the kinds of things I had always seen people going through around me. I held myself back from having fun because I had him on my mind. I annoyed my friends by talking about him despite the fact that, everyone but me, could see that he wasn't right for me. I clung to the idea of someone that I thought cared about me, but in the end, I realized I had allowed him to walk all over me. We're human and we feel things that can be incredible and exciting and sometimes we feel things that can be painful and terrifying. Emotions cannot be escaped, they have to be accepted so that we can move forward and learn from the past.
What I learned in 2015 is that there's always a chance to start anew. It's a new year; it's not a new me, but it's a me that I can learn to love and accept, a me that I will work on over time.
