Maybe some of you idolize an athlete on your favorite sports team, or maybe a certain actress or actor, television star, the face of an organization or brand that you support. For me, it has been the same individual for as long as I can remember. I know that in the recent years, with her album popularity, many of you have become familiar with Taylor Swift. You might know her as that one country singer who switched over to pop; the one who, “only writes songs about break-ups,” and has “dated a bunch of different guys.”
With all the annoying labels and false headlines about her personal life, I think people don’t really get a chance to see what I see about her. It is more often than not that I get weird looks when I say she is my favorite artist, and furrowed brows when I say that she is someone that I’ve always looked up to, as if it’s some sort of crime. This is the story of how she inspired me to turn to music during the times I struggled, whose songs played in the background of my life as I’ve grown through some of the most memorable moments, heartbreaks and transitions.
When I was in sixth grade, I remember hearing, "Teardrops On My Guitar" being played over the loudspeaker at my elementary school during an afterschool event. I was completely baffled by how someone could write in such an honest, open way. I immediately went home and downloaded the song onto my little blue, boxed shaped iPod Nano and listened to it on repeat.
I grew up learning to give a great amount of respect to artists and their music. When I began to follow Taylor Swift through her journey, album after album, it became something more than just lyrics and a catchy tune, for me. I wrote my first song in sixth grade, shortly after hearing, “Teardrops On My Guitar.” Maybe I didn’t know what it meant to fall in love and have my heart broken, at the time, but her music made me sensitive to it. It made me aware, and it made me think about all the beautiful ways there are to describe falling in, out, and everything in between, of love. When “You Belong With Me” came out at the end of my seventh grade year, I remember dancing around my room singing it at the top of my lungs. All throughout middle school, I wondered if I would ever get the courage to tell the blonde kid who never noticed me that I had the world’s biggest crush on him. I remember the first time my mom heard, “The Best Day,” on Mother’s Day. I put it on a homemade CD and had it played in the car on the way to brunch; I remember her tearing up at the lyrics that captured the childhood of me and my brother almost perfectly.
And, of course, in high school, to all the girls that gave me such a hard time, "Mean" was the song that showed me that it’s only the weakest people who like to bring those of us with the biggest dreams down (who would’ve ever thought that I’d actually grow up to be living in a big city!?). When she released the "Red" album, I fell in love with the song, “All Too Well.” I wondered if there would ever come a time in my life where I’d remember everything about someone so vividly, even months after it was over. That’s the nice thing about her songs, I guess; they’re always there for you when people can’t be.
Since I was never able to make it to any of Taylor's concerts from her early albums, I’d watch them on YouTube. I remember seeing her perform “Drops of Jupiter,” by Train, on the ukulele during one of the legs of her Speak Now tour. I thought to myself, I’ve got to learn how to do that. So, I took the old soprano ukulele that sat in my grandfather's music room, and learned a few simple chords. Then, a year later, I was given a guitar for Christmas my junior year of high school. The first song I taught myself to play was, “Teardrops On My Guitar” (coincidence?).
Taylor released "1989" a few months before the New Year, 2015, which was probably one of the most difficult years of my life, this far. My mom surprised me by getting tickets to see her in concert at the Staples Center last August. Before playing one of my most favorite songs on the record, “Clean,” Taylor was known to give a little introduction to it ( Here is the speech she gave at my concert). I still listen to it during the times when I feel like giving up, like I’m not good enough, or when I feel like I’m going to be swallowed by all of my insecurities and doubts. We are not categorized by the mistakes we've made in the past, as she puts it. The mistakes we make don't make us "damaged goods" or "muddy from our failed explorations." The rainstorms we walk through in the course of our lives, all of the hardships we face, make us clean. I never needed to hear that more than in that moment in my life.
Liking her music has never been the top hit of popular opinions, but it is everything to me. It is an escape, something to relate to and something that gives me happiness, even though it is small. A lot of people don’t understand, but looking up to her while I was young, shaped the way I feel about one of the most important things to me, today -- music.
Maybe you won’t get why I feel the way I do when I play one of her songs, but you don’t have to. Taylor Swift taught me that it doesn’t matter what people think of you. It doesn’t matter if you are popular or if you have a boyfriend or were the captain of the cheer team in high school. It doesn't matter if you get invited to a bunch of parties or surround yourself with a lot of people who don't know the first thing about the real you. All of that stuff is surface level. As long as you are happy and do what makes you happy, then nothing else can compare to being unapologetically yourself. Thanks for everything, Taylor.
