My favorite Disney movie when I was younger was "Peter Pan." The idea of flying and staying young was more than enough to convince a young girl that anything was possible. If a group of kids could fly to a completely different reality of mermaids and soaring ships with angry pirate captains, then I could be anything. I could go anywhere, be anyone, and do anything if I thought it was possible.

It’s a funny thing, growing up. When we’re younger, we think that growing up is all we want, but once we get there we don’t know where to begin. I recently got engaged, and all of a sudden there are so many different details to figure out. The previous wedding date didn’t work out, and all of a sudden we have less than three months. We’re looking for apartments, figuring out the smallest wedding details, calling family, making plans, saving money; all the necessities of trying to start a life the right way. My parents are helping us out a little, but at the same time, they’re giving us the space to realize that we have to learn to do everything ourselves. It’s the most adult-like thing I’ve done so far.

I thought that going to high school was growing up, that graduating was a stepping-stone from my teenage years to adulthood. I thought that my first semester in college meant that I had made it, that I had finally stepped away from the term “child.”

But I was wrong.

I wasn’t independent yet. My mom still called me every other day and asked if I needed help with anything, and my dad still explained even the simplest details of college. The worst part was that I needed those explanations, I needed to be told where to go and what to do and what to say. For me, learning that I still needed my parents when I was miles away from home was a hit to the stomach; I thought I was an adult, but I wasn’t.

I’m still not fully grown up, and I don’t think I will be even after I get married or have a family of my own. We all change and mature as we grow older, but growing up means so much more than age and accomplishments; we don’t base our maturity on where we are in life. I think that adulthood is still a phase of growing, that we will basically never stop growing, and that is not a bad thing. Kate Torgovinick, in her essay, “How I Became a Bed-Maker,” said that adulthood isn’t a sudden change, but instead details that “never seem completely natural. In this way of thinking, being an adult is measured in firsts you never quite imagined you’d get to…”

I’ve had my firsts three years ago. I had my first day in college, my first week as a broke student, my first week living on ramen and water alone. I had my first class, my first college friend, my first A, my first F, my first all-nighter writing my first 10 page research paper. I had my first broken phone, my first rent, my first argument with a roommate. I had my firsts, but does that make me an adult? Personally, I want to say no. I’m on my way to becoming an adult because I’m working on my firsts: My first engagement, my first wedding, my first wedding dress, my first stressful moment of planning, my first apartment, my first time signing a different last name. Those, those are memorable firsts.

I had to learn to realize that everything happens for a reason. I didn’t want to go to college in Idaho. For about a year, I had my heart set on studying in New York City, or any bigger city with a highly regarded college. I didn’t want to go to Brigham Young University. In fact, there was a lot that I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to be told what to do, or how to do it; I wanted to be my own person with my own individual ideas. I thought I was ready go take a step.

I got accepted to Brigham Young University Idaho, and that moment hit me hard. I was reluctant and scared, and convinced myself that I could leave whenever I wanted. I was reluctant to accept my life in Rexburg, unwilling to accept the change. But now I realize that I came to Rexburg for a reason; I’ve made friends that have changed my life. Thanks to them and their support, I was able to leave a bad relationship. I learned more about myself than I had every known, and I started to understand why things happen the way they do. If I hadn’t gone to school, if I hadn’t done what I didn’t want, if I hadn’t gone where I didn’t want to go, I would be a very different person.

I know that Neverland doesn’t exist, that kids and pirate ships don’t fly, and pirates don’t have lasting grudges with crocodiles. I know that there is more to every story, that a “happily ever after” requires more work and consideration. I know that I have to work.

I’m different than I was three years ago, when I came to Rexburg with the freshman dreams of becoming someone new. I make my bed now. I do my own dishes, I am 21 years old, close to graduating college, and even though I am in a time where I have to make big and important decisions, I still don’t want to grow up. I still make silly jokes, laugh at nothing in particular; I love Disney movies, and I dream of ridiculous things. Age-wise, I am an adult, but I’m not grown up yet. I guess everyone has different opinions about age and maturity. Everyone says that growing up is necessary, but let’s be honest: Who has time for that?