In spite of exams and the craziness of this season, I've felt as if I'm in a fog or daze lately. I've felt anxious, unprepared, and dissatisfied with the lackadaisical way that i've been going through the motions of my life. But more than anything else, i've felt unsure.
I'm unsure of how to get through these finals, of whether or not i'm on the right career path, and unsure of what to say yes, no, and not right now to. Time is of the essence and decisions these days are pressured to be made quickly. I have to know what internship i'll be taking this summer, what my class line up looks like for the next 2 years, and several other things outside of school. Lately, I feel like people continue to ask me questions, and I continue to be empty handed without answers.
In our world, especially in America, we have this pressure to make decisions and know answers at the snap of people's fingers. With the technology we have access to, this makes sense. But sometimes, I just don't know. I don't have an answer for why I'm on my 5th major and can't figure out what I want to do. I don't know.
I don't know why we feel pressured to cater to the opinions of others. I don't know why we feel pressure to appear that we have it all together. I don't know why we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders from things so small. I don't have an answer for why tragic events keep happening in our world. I don't have an answer as to why my friends and I have had to deal with the loss of several of our classmates in the past few years. I don't know.
What I do know is that no matter the pass or fail of my exams, I still serve a God who loves me. No matter the sadness and brokenness of my friends' hearts, I still believe in a God who will heal them and work though them. Despite the hurtful people in our world, I still believe in a God who loves every human despite wrongdoings. No matter the laziness of my lifestyle and the lack of motivation that I may have at times, I still believe believe in a God that will restore me and stand by me through it all. That is one thing I know to be true.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." -John 10:10
