October of 2015 was one of the worst months of my life.
I was a sophomore in college, a new Resident Advisor, and still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I was starting my second year of college. Although sophomore year within itself was difficult with my heavier courseload, October made it ten times worse.
I had left behind two grandparents who weren’t doing well back home, my Memere had cancer and my Grampy was 97. Every day I would be getting updates from my mom and dad about how they were doing, I’d send them postcards from school and tell them how my semester was going. “Study hard,” my Grampy would always say.
October of 2015 was when I lost both of them within a few weeks. First my Grampy, then my Mem, both passing in their sleep, and me, crying in my dorm room almost 100 miles away from home, with no one from my family around me.
It was hard, but it wasn’t the first time I had lost a Grandparent. My Nana has passed about a year before, and my Jaju when I was a freshmen in college. The fact that this happened within a few weeks was why it hit me so hard.
Loosing someone you love is probably one of the worst things you can go through. It doesn’t matter if they’re a grandparents, aunt, uncle, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, old classmate, and the list can go on and on. Death is weird, unexpected, funny, un welcomed, and disturbing. I’ve written about death before, and about my Grandparents specifically, and I’ve said it’s like someone sitting on the living room couch drinking a glass of water and overstaying their welcome. At least that’s how it’s been for my family it seems.
How can you cope with something like this though? The common reaction is to cry, cry, and cry some more, and that’s normal. I still cry. I teared up while writing this. When my mom called a weekend or two after laying my Grampy to rest to tell me about Memere, I just remember sitting on my bed by the window, sobbing, yelling into the phone, “No Mommy, no! Why, Mom, why?!”
I’m tearing up again.
I try not to dwell on the past, and I know I’m only doing this to myself, making me upset and tearing up while writing, but for some reason writing is a way for me to cope with pain, especially since it’s been one year since Grampy and Mem have passed. It seemed like a fitting time for this type of article.
Coping is another funny word, just like death. How can you tell someone to cope a certain way? Well, you can’t, the person would get even more upset or offended, not wanting to think about it. The best way is to distract. Remind them of the now, of the future and of what’s to come in life. Of course, when the firsts of everything without them come around, it’s going to be hard, but they’re still there, they always will be. Even if you don’t believe in God or the supernatural, or spirits, I’m sure you’ve heard of some story.
When my Nana passed away, I was about to go off to college; a really crappy way to start college if you ask me, but I did alright. Her funeral was private, just for family and friends. It was a cold day in the summer because the wind was blowing all over the place. As the priest was saying a few word about my Nana, the graveyard grew silent, the wind had stopped, and you couldn’t hear anything but Father Rich’s voice. The he finished, and all of a sudden a gust of wind came through, blowing our hair everywhere and gaining our attention. I looked at my sister sitting next to me; Nana had made an appearance.
Distractions were always welcomed after everything that had happened. I was glad to go back to school and be surrounded by friends and work so then I could distract myself. Some people may argue that being distracted isn’t the best way to cope, but for me it was. Little things about them will always pop up, but instead of feeling sad about it, you’ll smile.
To my family reading this, I love you. I’m mentioning this because I’ve gotten deep, gone into places and memories I thought I wouldn’t mention. Remember they’re all looking down on us, smiling wide with pride.
