This article is about to be extremely emotional and gushy and personal so if you are vapid of all emotion and don't want to trifle in the affairs of my feelings then please move on. This is a testimony to my experience of transitioning into college with my best friends and its a tribute to our bonds as a group, and as a family.

Have you ever found a group of people and immediately known that you were one of them and that you had a family amongst them? Neither have I, my friendships thus far have all been extremely circumstantial and natural. This effectively kept my intimate friend group very small, but somehow I managed to be lucky enough to find a collection of individuals that share the same interests, values, and perspectives as I do. Growing up with those people definitely helped the person that I was destined to turn into gain confidence and solidify into my current identity. For that I can only express gratitude, I don't think I could have spent the first part of my developmental life with a better group of people. From them I have learned to love, and to laugh, and to see what is right and to see what is wrong and with them I have been able to put into words the feelings that I could not keep inside. Like journals they walk around with my stories, my memories and I with theirs. I did not walk up to a pre-existing group and find that our pages were the same, rather over time we created our narratives with and within one another so that from nothing our collective was formed. I feel unnaturally fortunate to have had such an easy time finding these people, I could not imagine life without them.

Unfortunately I have had to learn how to live without them, at least in the way that I had grown accustomed. Our group has moved nationwide. From San Fransisco to New York, we are so far apart, but that doesn't keep us from being close. We all talk everyday and we regularly video call using Google Hangouts so that we all stay in touch. That’s how I know I have found a family with these people. They know me better than any other people do, even though we are hundreds of miles away from one another we gladly participate in each others lives through any means necessary. We have plans to visit one another and to keep our bonds strong despite the distance. The reliance that we have had on one another has been a godsend in finding a place here at my own school. Hearing about their experiences and telling them about mine has helped us all I think. We communicate as eloquently and intimately as we ever have and being able to be on that plain of vulnerability with other people is something that I can only describe as being enlightening and freeing. I miss them but not completely, because we are all still here for one another. I am slowly making new connections where I am but I'm not forgetting the connections that I have made prior to the college experience.

I have been so fortunate to have been able to hold onto the closest connections of my life without compromising a single thing, but not all of my connections withheld the transition. Those lost connections have been a frequent object of my minds attention. I miss the people I have lost and I at times obsess over the past and what could have happened differently in order to prevent the loss of those people. I’m regretful, not only for my contribution in the destruction of the bond, but also for the inopportune moment of its occurrence and for the personal failing on my part to be forgiving enough to excuse the actions and the words that hurt me. It’s a painful lesson that I have had to learn from this experience but some friendships aren't built to last forever, no matter how much you want them to be. Having a close bond with someone is not synonymous with having a healthy relationship, and in that type of situation it is best to walk away. However, and a big however at that, there should always be a path that leads to a healthy coexistence.

Something that I have come to dutifully believe for myself when navigating interpersonal relationships is that we all have humanity within us and that aspect binds us all. It seems that many attempt to suppress their humanity, and some succeed in destroying it completely. There is a strain of thought that convinces us that humanity is a weakness and being callous and repressed is the only way to protect yourself and what you love. That idea has appealed to me before, I’ve had the time and the reason to battle it for its relevance in my life and my stance on its relevance in our society. Simply put, that frame-of-mind does not apply here and now. In a world or a moment where decisions between life and death and love and hate are polarized and dictated by swift and resolute judgment then I feel that callousness and destruction off one’s own humanity is strategic in self-preservation and the protection of those one loves, but that is not our frequent reality as Americans. We live in a soft and grey world, but we still assign the same polarity to so many things. With my lost friends I have attempted to rebuild though I have not been successful yet, but I’m optimistic that someday they too will see the exhaustion that comes from choosing harshly and radically rather than talking things out and attempting to understand one another. In those avenues I remain hopeful, though I am guaranteed no success.

Regardless of whether a friend is kept or lost, the lessons they teach us, the support they give us, and the love that lingers within us is what defines us. My experiences are youthful, and I continue to meet new and incredible people daily. Building relationships and creating new narratives with all friends old and new is my goal for the future. The loss of such meaningful relationships has taught me to value the ones that I have currently so much more. The pangs that I feel when I think of a narrative that I once viewed with tenderness being tainted in any way drives me to make reparations where they are due and to avoid destroying anymore. Finally to the friends who are reading this, whether the relationship is new or aged I am thankful to you, I open my heart to you, and I welcome you. It has been a pleasure finding myself in a new environment with the same amiable faces and the same friendly love that I have come to know. I hope you are all blessed and continue to be blessed in the coming future.