When you're enclosed in a human microwave, left with nothing but your thoughts, things can get pretty weird.

1. How many naked people have lied here today?

I wonder if they ACTUALLY cleaned the bed... It's always a question but it never seems to stop me from laying my bare body onto the potentially infected surface.

2. Ew, why is the bed still warm?

Something about a cold bed is more comforting than an uncomfortably warm reminder that you weren't the only naked person to lay here in the last 5 minutes.

3. If I started working here could I tan for free?

Wait. Paid to tan?

4. Why can't I see with these things on?

*Takes off goggles to look at iPhone*

5. How long have I been in here?

*Looks at time*

6. HOW has it only been a couple of minutes?

You know how they say times flies when you're having fun? Well, time takes freaking forever in a tanning bed.

7. Is it weird that I like the way my burning skin smells?

8. Can the woman at the desk can hear me talking to myself?

9. What would happen if there were cameras in here?

10. If I lay facing left for a minute then I'm going to have to lay facing right for a minute, right?

Tan symmetry.

11. Am I golden yet?

12. If I put my face closer to the bulbs will it tan faster?

13. How are my eyes sweating?

Nothing like tight goggles to give you the irreplaceable experience of sweaty eyelids.

14. Why is my butt is on fire?

Nothing like a burned booty to make you wish you had gone in the stand-up.

15. Who even invented Wink-Ease?

Eyewear for peasants.

16. Where's my phone? I must Snap.

17. Why do I have so many blemishes?

Something about the light makes it prime pimple-popping conditions. Weird.