I have borderline personality disorder.
There have been times that I have been embarrassed by it.
There have been times that I have been mad.
Lately, I have tried to come to terms with who I am and accept the fact that I am mentally ill.

Here's the thing about borderline personality disorder; it is not something you are born with, but rather something you acquire.
Aspects of my personality and childhood trauma left me susceptible.
It is not something that can be cured. There is no medication to treat it.

You may not ever understand.
You may not ever try to understand.
You may not ever want to understand.

I struggle with intense emotions.
It is either one extreme or the other. There is no grey area.
My emotions can change as quickly as the snap of a finger.
I feel negative emotions dangerously intense. The smallest thing can resort to harmful coping mechanisms and behaviors that do not make sense.
I feel positive emotions more intensely as well. I feel love, joy, compassion with a depth that you may not have experienced.

I am easily offended.
I will take EVERYTHING you say personally and often overreact.

I have severe abandonment issues.
I have walked away from relationships and pushed people away out of fear that the person I was walking away from might walk away first.
It is a form of self preservation. To protect myself from being hurt.
At the very same time that I am pushing you away with my words or behavior, I am also desperately hoping that you will not leave or abandon me.

Another trait of BPD is my irrational, spontaneous impulsivity.
I am constantly changing my mind about everything.
I will go from one thing to another, without even realizing or wanting to.
This has resulted in changing my major every semester, changing colleges, changing career paths, etc.

I have a hard time creating normal, healthy attachments.
I get attached and it physically hurts me being away from the people I attach myself to.
I am clingy and have an almost childlike attachment.
I would do anything for them and I am not sure how I would live without them.

I never really know who I am.
Part of BPD is experiencing identity disturbance issues.
I take on the attributes and mannerisms of those around me.
It is as if I haven't outgrown the stage in middle school when you constantly change your interest to fit into a group or clique.

The most difficult part of living with borderline personality disorder is that I know I am this way.
I know that I am often being irrational.
But there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it.
I am so busy trying to hold myself together that I fall apart much more than I would like to admit.

To those of you who do not understand, just know that we are still us.
Call us out on our poor behavior, because in order for us to catch ourselves, we need to be made aware of our hurtful words and actions.

Lastly, never forget that even when we do not love ourselves, we will always love you. No matter if our words or actions may say otherwise.