Recently, a lot of things have changed for me. In just four short months, I’ve joined a sorority, travelled across the south, sang Smash Mouth at a karaoke bar, rode in the back of a cop car (by choice!!), explored my new home city, started eating meat for the first time since sophomore year of high school, stopped eating gluten for the first time in my life (#rip), danced on stages in dance clubs, got my dream internship, got friend-zoned, road tripped up the East Coast, emulated the glamour and grace of Joanne the Scammer (and got a faux fur coat out of it), and started going to therapy.
For years, I always felt trapped inside my own head, always worrying and overthinking and feeling lonely all the time. In seeking help, I learned how to get better; in getting better, I’ve grown to love myself that much more. I wouldn't know "This Me" eight months ago, but I haven’t necessarily changed since coming to school. I’m still very much the same person with the same interests, same tastes, and same seasonal allergies that came down to Atlanta eight months ago. But at the same time, I’m completely different. I’ve matured more than I ever imagined I could in a year and in doing so, I’ve grown into myself that much more.
I read an article recently about the 15 Things That Happen When You Fall In Love With Your Life Instead Of A Person and found that so many of them match what I’ve come to feel. All of the things I listed in the first paragraph would have sounded like someone else’s life. But everything that has happened to me since coming back from winter break has felt meaningful and earth shatteringly relevant in the progression of my life.
In joining a sorority, I've gained a home base and support system, as well as countless incredible smiling faces who wave at me on campus and ask me about my day. In going to therapy, I've regained the trust I had lost in myself. In letting go, I've gained the confidence to live my life unbridled and unrestricted by how other people see me. I've gained deep friendships, a gluten intolerance, so many bruises, and stories I want to tell everyone.
I’ve become more comfortable with relinquishing control from time to time, which has opened me up to experiences (#6) and allowed me to create closer bonds with those I surround myself with (#3). Letting go and relaxing into who I am was the best decision I’ve ever made. As I walk away from my first year of college, I can safely say that I’m the happiest that I have been since sophomore year of high school. It’s not because I’ve reinvented myself or became erratic and wild; it’s because I’m stable. I am comfortable and loved, and more importantly, I’ve fallen in love with my life.
