I am a feminist.

A couple of weeks ago, an article titled “I Am Not A Feminist, And That Is Okay” by Amanda Jayne Sankey began circulating around social media with mixed responses. My own response upon reading the article was utter confusion and heartbreak, and a desire to share my own views on feminism to make sure the mission of the gender-equality movement is not clouded by this article, with over 167,000 shares.

There’s a lot to feminism. From LGBTQ+ rights, to rape culture, to women in the workplace, there are so many aspects to the movement that I cannot begin to explain in one article. Instead, I wish to address directly the concerns raised by Sankey’s piece that I have heard many other women question before, and that is the place of the domestic woman.

Allow me to begin with an anecdote.

After a conversation on social issues and politics with a male friend of mine, the matter of feminism arose. After my friend found out I was a feminist, he was shocked. He thought I was just a follower, and that I didn’t truly understand what I was talking about. In an attempt to stump me, he asked, “Do you like when boys hold open doors for you?”

I ask you now, what weight does this question hold? In his mind, the act in question is based on societal roles implemented by a patriarchal system. In my mind, however, my enthusiastic “yes” only furthered my own point. I like when a boy opens a door for me. Not because I believe it is a part of our roles, but because I think it’s a kind gesture. Similarly, I like when a girl opens a door for me as well. On the other hand, I also open doors for friends and family, boys and girls alike, not because I want to make a statement such as, "I don't need anyone to open my door for me! I'm a feminist, hear me roar!," but because I believe it is kind. And that is where the root of feminism lies— acting not out of necessity of your role, but out of necessity of your character.

In Sankey’s article, she addresses the traditional role of women being degraded and disintegrated by feminism. Sankey writes, “It is completely okay to choose to stay home and be a mother because that is the hardest job in the world. It is okay to like cooking. It is okay to take care of your husband and children. It is okay to want your boyfriend to ask for your father’s blessing before proposing to you. It is okay to take his last name. Feminists wouldn’t have you believe these things.”

As I first began reading this piece of the article, I couldn’t agree more! All of these things are totally okay! However, these statements’ relevance confused me to why Sankey claims to not be a feminist, until she claims that feminists oppose these statements, which is where she is mistaken.

I would love someday to take my husband’s last name. Not because I believe it is my duty, but for a desire of closeness and connectedness which I do not have words for. However, I also support women who decide to hold onto their names for their own reasons. Above all, I support the woman’s choice whether or not to change her name.

A feminist does not look down upon a woman who is a homemaker, a mother and a wife with her husband's last name. All three parts of this woman's identity are respectable and, yes, okay! My mother chose to be a stay-at-home mom and never in my life have I looked down upon her for her choice. However, what's important is that my mother had that choice. Had she wanted to continue to pursue her career, she should be able to make that choice as easily as her choice to be a homemaker. Either way, I would still look up to my mother as a role model for her incredible heart, endurance and selflessness.

I can honestly say that I have never met a feminist who holds true to the values listed as inherently feminist in Sankey’s article. Just as there are extremists in every social, political and religious group, I am afraid that misandrists have created a bad-rep for the rest of us, shouting their obscenities louder and causing more drama. Unfortunately, that’s the idea of feminism that sticks with many, who are too passive to learn the true meaning and motive of the movement. The woman who fights for feminism, true feminism, fights for every woman, from homemaker to CEO and everything in between.

Feminism makes a point of assuring each woman understands that she does not have to make a choice between her family and her career. Recently, I have been struggling with the idea that one day I will have to trade in my career for my family. I am only 18 and I already love each with incredible passion, and choosing between the two feels nightmarishly something from the pages of a William Styron novel.

However, I shouldn't have to choose. In fact, I refuse to choose. When men have a career they are not asked, "But don't you have children?," or "What about your children?" It is simply accepted. My father was the definition of a career man. He spent more hours at the office than the average individual, pouring his soul and skill into his company. Still, this did not make him any less of a father. My dad and I were as close as could be, always going out on adventures. He came to every one of my school functions, and is as much a part of my life as my mother is. In the same way I do not believe that my dad's career caused a familiar sacrifice, I believe that women, if they'd like, may have the same balance in their own lives.

I am a Christian, a writer and a nurturer. I love to cook, and cannot wait to have a family one day, and to put the entire world into the pockets of my children. These values do not define my view on feminism.

It’s my beliefs that no individual should be inherently defined and confined by their gender that declares my status as a feminist.

Feminism isn’t about telling women what they can't do, only what they can.