Observation: Gay dating is extremely difficult. Arguably, many will say it is not. With sites like Match, OKC and apps like Grindr and Scruff, meeting other LGBTQ+ people is much easier. With all that at your fingertips, how can you not find a date? Observation: Gay dating in a rural community is a NIGHTMARE! In my experience, this is very true. I don't just mean the meeting people part either. The whole process can be like pulling teeth. Don't get me wrong, it's hard enough getting to know someone and seeing if you'll mesh, regardless of your sexuality or gender identity, but live in our shoes for a moment. From the bad stigmas attached to LGBTQ+ dating, to the difficulty of finding places you both are comfortable going, being single almost seems like the better option.

Let's start from the beginning. Meeting someone. That is the most difficult part. In 2016, that sounds silly, doesn't it? There are apps like Grindr, Scruff, Adam4Adam and sites like OkCupid, Match and Gaydar. (Christian Mingle?) You can get to know someone without ever having to leave your couch. If you're desperate you can even jump on Craigslist (Don't.) However, apps like Grindr are not made for dating. They're hook-up sites. Not saying you can't meet someone you like on there, but we all know what you're really looking for when you get on. Plus, you have to be careful because it's littered with bots and fake profiles designed to get your information. In my case, I don't own a smart phone, so apps are out for me. Now call me a little old-fashioned, but I hate this way of meeting people. I want to meet someone in person. Talk to them. Hear their voice and read their body language. Those are things you can't get on a computer. Facetime and Skype are so impersonal.

In addition, you have to deal with people's hang-ups constantly. Do you know how often I see the words "No fats, No fems, No coffee, chocolate or rice." (You know, cause racism.) It sucks. "It's a preference." "I'm just not attracted to those people." "Who are you to judge?" I understand people have preferences, but being a jerk is so unattractive. A preference is liking red hair or being interested in a military person. It's not a deal breaker if you aren't, but it's something you'd prefer. You'd think that is the worst part, but there is something even worse.

One word can spell dating doom for the LGBTQ+ individual in a rural area. (Not to say that it can't in an urban or suburban area. It's just worse here.) "DISCREET". This one is difficult because you can't just address it as a problem without sounding like a jerk. There are many people who are not out for many different reasons. Maybe they aren't comfortable. Maybe they're just experimenting. Most often, they do so for their own safety. I have dated more than one guy who had the "discrete" status. They were very kind and sweet individuals (most of them.) but ultimately, it was doomed to never work out. Try going on a date with someone who is constantly looking over their shoulder. It makes you feel like you are doing something wrong. You can accommodate by doing home dates and movie nights, but you feel like you're missing out on a real and full relationship. How do you say to someone that they're discretion is a problem? (I've had to do it. It sucks and makes you feel terrible and you should.) Living in a rural area (especially in the South), discreet is very common. Odds are, the community is very conservative. It may also be dangerous. It's understandable why someone wouldn't want to take that risk. Many view the Boone community as a very accepting place. That is (mostly) true. However, take a trip outside of it. Deep Gap. Foscoe. Meat Camp. (seriously don't go to Meat Camp. It's dangerous.) You'll find they aren't as accepting. The same can be said for other rural areas around the country. (I grew up in Yadkinville NC and Winthrop ME. Neither are very LGBTQ+ friendly.)

Probably the biggest issue to meeting and dating as an LGBTQ+ person is safety. This is everywhere, not just here in Boone or rural communities. EVERYWHERE! Something that our straight friends don't seem to get is that we can't just go up to someone we might be attracted to. Approaching someone in a bar could end in disaster.

(CAUTION: TRIGGER IMAGE AHEAD!!!!)

Violence against the LGBTQ+ community is at an all time high. It has risen with the trend of visibility and acceptance. That doesn't mean there was less violence before, just that more incidents are possibly being reported or investigated. Either way, it is probably the leading factor in difficultly for LGBTQ+ dating. No wonder so many people choose to be "discreet." A straight person can go up to someone and express their interest. While they may get shot down, it is highly unlikely that the situation will turn violent. It is not the case for us. Many LGBTQ+ people avoid these situations for that simple reason. "I don't want to get my [insert expletive here] beat." In the photos above, you see the violence faced by LGBTQ+ people first hand. None is more famous than the last. In 1988, Matthew Shepard was attacked, beaten, tied to a fence post and left to die in Laramie, Wyoming. It was one of the most reported instances of violence against a gay person in United States History. So far in 2016, fifteen trans people have been murdered in the US. None of us want to be the next statistic. So no matter how cute I think that guy is across the way at the bar, I'm not going to approach him. It's just not worth it.

I'd love to be able to end this on a happy note and give some tips to have a safe, healthy and possibly successful dating experience, but honestly, I don't really have much. I'm floundering in the dark just as much as you are. So here is all I can say:

1. Be Safe.
2. Be Smart.
3. Most importantly, Be Kind.