Love is such an unpredictable thing. At 20 years old, can we even say that we really know what love is? Sure, the guy we met on Thursday night in the hallway of a frat house who we casually swapped numbers with and grabbed something to eat with while trying to get rid of our hangovers the next day may seem like someone you could fall in love with. But you and I both know that nine times out of 10, he is nothing more than another Thursday night.
See, you and I, we have something in common. While sitting across from your Thursday night pal, you picture a possible future as he pictures what he’ll be wearing to the mixer later that night. Problem? You always love more. You always care more. And while that seems like it would make it easier for you to fall in love, it ends up having the opposite effect.
Being the one who loves more puts a weight on your shoulders that is unimaginable to anyone who doesn’t share this trait with you. When you love more, you feel that your better half, your best friend, or anyone really isn’t returning what you are putting in. You start to question your flaws and inevitably wind up loving yourself less in the process. I know this because I’ve been there. I spent the whole second semester of my freshman year of college wondering what was so wrong with me. Why did all the effort I put into a relationship result in a broken heart? Why did love suck so much?
I whole-heartedly admit that I have been in love with someone. At the beginning of our relationship, things were amazing. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it. Then the doubt crept in and started pushing us apart. I felt that I was the only one putting in an effort. I was the only one who cared. And I blamed him for our relationships shortcomings when in all reality, there was nothing he was doing wrong. He was loving me the way he knew how. To me, that wasn’t enough. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t try as hard as I did. Why didn’t he show that he loved me like I showed him?
Although our relationship came to an end, he is still my absolute best friend and I am his. I know... Weird, right? I thought so, too, on the next day in class when he still sat next to me. But it’s actually been a blessing in disguise. We both know that we love each other, just on a friendly level. And because of the dynamics of our relationship, I can ask him why guys run and why my girlfriends don’t always ask me to go out with them, and I can get an honest answer that doesn’t hurt my feelings. I love too hard, he says.
So my advice? Be the one who loves too hard. The one who no matter what happens will always be there for a certain person(s) and the one that always sees the best qualities in everyone. That is a rare find these days, especially in college. Being the one who loves more may not always feel like the best place to be in, but at the end of every day, at least you know that you have such a big, forgiving heart. That’s what people will remember. That boy who couldn’t handle it at the time will look back and miss having someone who cared so much for him. Those friends of yours will look back and regret not taking you out with them every chance they had. Be the one who loves more in every relationship you have. The world needs more people with endless love in their hearts.
