What Being Engaged at 17 Taught Me

What Being Engaged at 17 Taught Me

Am I the only girl in her 20's that isn't engaged right now?

It was early afternoon two years ago when my fiancé said, “Wanna go get coffee?”

We’d never, in the almost three years of being in a relationship, gone for coffee. He hated coffee. I knew that something was wrong and I felt it in the pit of my stomach.

We didn’t end up grabbing coffee, instead we sat in his white Mustang in a nearby Mission Viejo suburb, where he admitted to cheating on me a week earlier when he was blacked out at a party. I remember hitting him on his chest, watching the tears stream down his face and wondering what I had done wrong to push him so far away. He dropped me off at my grandparent’s house and he drove down their street for the last time.

I was 17 when I asked him to buy me a ring from the jewelry store at Disneyland and I obsessed over my a-little-too-big cubic zirconia $16 emblem of our unending love that rested on my finger. We talked about having our ceremony on the beach and digging our toes in the sand. I wanted Harry Potter themed items in the décor and he loathed the idea. I should have seen that as the first red flag.

Now at 22 almost every month one of my Facebook friends becomes engaged. I see endless pictures of my feed of stunning rings with captions like "Feyonce", "He put a ring on it", and even more relationship statuses changed to "engaged" to finally cement their love.

(Photo via Huffington Post)

This May I went to one of my high school best friend’s wedding to her lover of only a few months, and I cried while I watched them dance and feed each other cake. I look at these pictures and rub the empty place on my finger where my old ring used to be. It’s hard not to measure my worth as a young woman in her 20s against these young and blushing brides–some years younger than me, flashing their pearly whites beside their handsome beaus. Obviously I know I’m worth more on my own than what a marriage license could give me, but how can I not see these new fiancés and remember when I, too, was planning my special day in a whirlwind romance of love?

It took months and months of crying, Netflix binging and late night conversations with friends in order to get over the man who “got away”. Even now, it’s hard not to feel a quiet pang in my heart when I watch David Tutera’s My Fair Wedding and wonder what could have been. For two years, though, I have never regretted the path that I’m now on.

What I realized is that relationship taught me a lot about my worth as a woman. Being left by someone I was going to walk down the aisle with broke me, but it made me realize what I did and didn’t want in a partner. It was hard, but because of it I take relationships very seriously. I follow my mother's advice, which is to never date anyone I wouldn't marry. I will never again settle for someone. Saying “I do” means more to me now than it ever did before. It doesn’t just mean pinning wedding dresses all day; it means building a lasting and trusting relationship with another person.

(Photo via Instagram)

While it's not my personal path, I say congratulations to all you newlyweds out there. And, to anyone else who is a bit jaded by all the social media engagements, remember we're all on our paths. Marriage isn't on the table for you right now, but it will when the time is right. As for me, I think I’m going to wait just a little bit longer, until I finally feel in my heart that a ring on my finger is meant to be.

Cover Image Credit: Grey Likes Weddings

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Does What Happens During Spring Break Stay There?

"our most used phase was 'no gracias' "

Your spray tan is probably fading, you might be slightly hung-over still and you are for sure not ready to take that Biology test on Friday.

Well, it’s the Monday after spring break and most of us look more drained than we did when the break started. But, hey that’s what spring break is all about.

A break from school but not a break from our social lives. Spring break is just a sneak peek of what our summer will look like- without the fake tan of course.

Some of us will be on cruises this summer, partying on Florida beaches or will be hard at work at an internship. Let’s just pretend everyday of summer will be as adventurous as our nights out in Mexico.

After endless tequila shots and breakfast burritos, it’s time to hit the gym harder than we did pre-spring break.

You might be suffering from a cold right now and trying to get your immunity back up after sleeping for less than five hours a night for four days in a row. Eat some oranges, take your Dayquil and be ready for Saturday night.

Even though we might dread classes starting again, we are secretly relieved to be reunited with all our friends in one place. Plus, getting back into our routine and gain a bit of a social life is always a good thing too.

If you had a successful break, you probably have random people added on your Snapchat, have questionable messages from your best friends and some blurred out memories of you living your best life.

Some of us might even be thankful to safely be back in the United States without the fear of losing Ray Bans, passports, IDs and dignity.

My friends and I thought in Mexico we would be saying “uno mas” more, but instead, our most used phase was “no gracias.” As much as we enjoyed meeting new friends, sipping on pina coladas and the endless amount of carne esada tacos- we are happy to be back home again.

I’ve never been more thankful to be safe with my friends and recalling memories of our fun girls trip out of the country.

We all have memories we will never forget or fully remember, but that’s just part of college.

Cover Image Credit: Angelica Catusco

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Stories From A Broken Girl

This was written sophomore year of high school when I felt this way.

I have too many lines to memorize and I can’t keep up.

I have way too many voices in my head telling me what to do, what to say next.

I don’t know how people can’t see me losing my mind; it’s so obvious.

I can’t understand it. Not a single person has seen all of me; not one; because sometimes I don’t think I’m ready for that.

I feel so hostile and I can’t turn it off. I have no control over me.

I feel unrest and all I can do is stress, but at least you are so entertained by the words I'm saying.

I speak too many stories to keep us entertained and you seem amused.

I can’t stop speaking and you can’t stop believing; I can’t stop because you stay with me when most times everyone leaves.

I tell them when I know they will make us feel better. Sometimes anything will, but that doesn’t bother me.

I thrive under pressure, and when you need me.

And I am 10,000 miles under the sea and my head just might explode, but I like to not think about that.

Distracting you is no easy task, but I'm up for the challenge.

I can be your poet. I can be your reality. I can be your entertainment.

I can be all you need. Watching you listen so intently makes me think maybe we are both worth it; we are both worth saving.

I like to yell and scream, and sometimes I can’t breathe.

I spin and I spin and I drive myself crazy to get the right words to speak.

And I don’t get how you can still watch me. How can you still listen to me?

I don’t understand, and perhaps I never will, but that’s fine by me as long as you stay.

Don’t stop listening.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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