B1A4 is a South Korean boy group composed of five members. They debuted April 23, 2011. The five members, by stage name, are Jinyoung, Sandeul, Gongchan, Baro, and CNU (or Shinwoo depending on how people want to spell it.) Their discography is diverse with songs ranging from powerful ballads to songs that can be played in a club.

I found this group in 2015 when I was first introduced to K-pop, but I didn't really get into them as hard as I did until November 2016 when they had a comeback after a year and some odd months. Their album, Good Timing, quickly became the album I would go to any time of the day for any reason.

My favorite member, Baro, is the rapper and his raps always get to me. He's such a talented rapper and he's an amazing person. He is so soft and kind, and he truly deserves the world. But when I hear his voice, I feel a calm wash over, even though he's rapping.

Jinyoung is the leader and vocalist of the group. He also composed most of the songs for the group and has done some for other groups. But the lyrics are always very powerful and beautiful. I get so inspired to write when I hear his songs. Even if I cannot understand it most of the time, the way the song is written and made gets me in the mood.

CNU is another vocalist and the main dancer of B1A4. But I think he is also the sunshine of the group. His smile and the way his face scrunches up makes me so happy. I see his face and my day is brightened so much. Not to mention he has such a beautiful voice. I love hearing him hit the high notes. He's amazing.

Gongchan is another vocal, the maknae, and the face of the group. He's definitely the most attractive in the group (at least to me) but he is more than his looks. His voice is soft and sweet and whenever I hear him sing, my heart leaps. He doesn't always get lines, so when he does, I get really excited.

Sandeul is the lead vocalist of B1A4. His voice is really unique. He is definitely talented. I say this for all the members of B1A4, but his voice really does soothe me. I forget all the bad and all my problems when I hear him sing.

The group all together is the softest and most kind group in all of KPOP. They are genuine and honest, and I love it.

I've become a better person because B1A4 is there for me. Knowing that someone is always there for me gives me such comfort, but more importantly because they don't know me and I know they still love me. There's no doubt in my mind about it.

I've met many beautiful people through B1A4 who I've grown to love and appreciate more than some of my real life friends. We are all kind to each other and it's a beautiful thing. But I would have never met them without B1A4.

It's safe to say that without B1A4, I wouldn't be here right now. At the time of their comeback, I was having a difficult time and was having unsafe thoughts. But I was determined to meet them and thank them for helping me through those rough times.

So I was pleasantly surprised when, in December, I found out they would be coming to New York and three other cities in the US in February. I got a General Admission ticket, but later bought a VIP ticket instead, which was ~$100 more. But I knew that, because I wanted to see them and meet them, this is what I needed to do.

High touch is what the VIP event is called. You get in a line and touch each other members’ hands, whether it’s through a high five or a tight squeeze to their hand. So I was ready to hold their hands. I was ready.

I didn't get to hold their hands, but I did get to go to the concert. I wrote letters for each member and didn't have much time to hold each of their hands or give them high fives (my fault entirely) but I did get to hand deliver my letters to them, which is still special to me.

But before this was the concert. It was an amazing experience. I was so close to them. They came so close to us. It was an intimate experience but I was so happy. I met other B1A4 fans, called banas, during the concert. Some came from outside the country, others came from another state. We were all dedicated to B1A4.

The worst part of all of this is...what now? What do I do without these boys? How long is it going to be before they come back?

I want them to one day recognize me when they see me, but I sincerely doubt it will come. It was hard enough to wait for this concert. It will be even harder to wait long enough to travel to South Korea to get a chance to talk to them.

I have faith that B1A4 sees that I'm worth it, but I don't. I have all these thoughts eating at me. This concert helped distract me from the pain, but the pain is heavier now that I don't have this to look forward to anymore. I miss the other banas I met. I miss being excited. I miss the excitement the concert gave me. I miss B1A4 speaking English to us. They worked so hard in order to communicate with us. They worked hard for us.

B1A4 was afraid to be forgotten. They thought that during their long break, people would leave them. But I could never. B1A4 has done so much for me, and they don’t even know who I am. I owe so much to them.

B1A4 means happiness. B1A4 means peace. B1A4 means kindness. B1A4 means hope. B1A4 is all these things to me.

I don't know what I would do without them, and I don't know what to do now that they've left New York...I feel like they've left us. I miss them. I miss them so much. What am I going to do while they're gone?

I'm lost without them. The past few days have been empty. I am empty. My heart has holes that only they can fill. Only they can repair this damage. And they're not able to. They aren't here to do it. And who knows when I'll see them again? What if I never see them again? What happens to these untreated wounds? Will an infection kill me? Will it be heartbreak?

I'm scared and anxious. I don't want to lose them, but I already feel them slipping. I want to hold on so much longer but time doesn't allow such things.

I just want to turn back time and hold onto those moments longer...I want to go back and change how things happened...I want them to come back.

B1A4...I love you with all my heart. Please, come back soon. Please do not keep us waiting long. But even then, please don't rush. We will be waiting. I will always be waiting.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you, B1A4.