“But I’m done lookin’ for my future someone, because when the time is right you’ll be here. But for now, Dear No One, this is your love song.” –Tori Kelly
In the first 19 years of my short life thus far, I’ve let go of best friends, I’ve had my heart broken, I’ve defined my worth by Instagram likes, and I’ve compared, criticized and scrutinized myself and my relationships without end.
But with a new decade, comes a new mindset. So far, being 20 has allowed me to grow tremendously as a person and develop a sense of freedom and self-confidence that I hope to carry with me for years to come. And so, without further ado, here are the most important things the 20th year of my life has taught me:
At the same time, I entered my 20s I was going through the first and only case of heartbreak I’d ever experienced. In turn, I found myself completely “alone” for the first time in years. Though in the months that have followed, I’ve learned that it is ok to be single, in fact, it’s more than ok, it is beautiful. There is no better time in your life than now to be boldly & unapologetically solo.
With that, 20 has taught me to fall in love with my life on my own. To focus on myself, my goals, passions and beliefs, and trust that the rest will come when the time is right. I have learned that boys or relationships don’t define who I am, but rather my life is defined by the respect I have for others and just as importantly for myself, and by the way I treat both.
20 has taught me to forgive. And by that, I do not just mean to say, “It’s ok” when someone tells you that they’re sorry. I mean to fully and wholeheartedly forgive, whether or not it is asked for. I’ve learned that carrying resentment with you does not affect anyone else but yourself, and do believe me when I tell you it will be a weight lifted once you let that hurt go.
Do things that make you happy; after all, this may be the only time in your life that you can be unabashedly selfish. Go on a road trip with your girlfriends, eat your favorite ice cream and read books – a lot of books, they will become your favorite escape and teach you more about life than any professor or classroom can.
Make time for your family and for your friends. Do not let the distractions of school, work, and all that “focusing on you” stuff take away even a moment from the people who care about you most. Being 20 has taught me that life is short, you never know when anyone’s last day will be, so make unforgettable memories, laugh lots, and squeeze your loved ones a little longer.
Play hard, but work harder. It is important to set goals and follow them. My latest? To run a race. This is the first time in my life that I’ve had a training program with a finish line in sight, and let me tell you, I have never felt more motivated to get my run on. There’s nothing to lose, so do yourself a favor and set a goal. I promise you won’t regret it.
20 has taught me there is nothing wrong with not having the rest of your life planned out. Plans change, people change and more likely than not, you will too. I can confidently say as a junior in college that no, I do not have a 4.0, the perfect internship, or my 10-year plan mapped out. I do, however, have dreams and strive to work hard every day in the hopes that I will someday make them a reality.
And on the days in which you fail, (and the days that you don’t) pray. I will say that 20 has not taught me, but reminded me, of the importance of prayer and the impact that having a personal relationship with God can have on your life. Start a prayer journal, ask God for guidance and trust that He will show you the way. When you are feeling down, look back at the prayers you have written and reflect on the ways in which God has worked in your life.
Although 20 and my years leading up to it have shown me love and loss, confusion and heartache, I am grateful for the ways in which they’ve allowed me to grow into the person I am now.
That being said, I’m sure the next years of my life have a whole bunch of lessons in store for me, so stay tuned folks.
