I doubt I'll live up to the headline, but now that I have your attention, you might as well spare 3 minutes to read me. I promise it's not about veganism. Here on this day, I sit at my dated laptop amidst the smell of stale coffee and day old pastries in an undisclosed, albeit, lovely location, in an undisclosed, and frankly overly praised coffee shop. I won't tell you which coffee shop; you've never heard of it... insert exaggerated eye roll. "Why am I reading this?" you might be asking. "Because it quite possibly might be mildly interesting," I'd dare reply. Read on for a quick, sarcastic, and, I promise, very anticlimactic primer of what I reckon my contribution to you will be moving forward.

I'm Ben, you probably don't know me, but you'll probably really want to eventually. I'm on the West Coast these days. I used to live in Houston, but I had to get away for reasons that I may share with you if you prove to deserve it. For now, though, we'll say I moved out here to be a horse chiropractor to help fund my true passion for breeding llamas. Now, I can't say I'll have edgy opinion pieces for you to digest, news about pop culture, Pulitzer Prize winning articles, or even a few dick pics to salivate over. However, I reckon I'll be honest and write the way I'm feeling and thinking on the day. I'm a fan of the short and sweet methodology, so I'm prepared to go above and beyond by offering you the bare minimum in allowed characters and not a period, comma, question mark, or quotation more.

Presumably, I'll touch on topics of health, sports, philosophy, meditation, relationships, travel, women, love, sex, puppies, anger, sex, depression, love, entertainment, women, food, love, and by popular demand, sex, and a wee bit of quantum theory. At times these articles will be thoughtful, at times they won't be. At times these articles will make you laugh; other times you'll probably shed a tear for the time you lost by choosing to read them. However, maybe they'll be some of the best parts of my days writing them for you, and hopefully they'll be some of the many things you enjoy about your days, too. No pressure on me, though. Earlier, I mentioned this would be anticlimactic, didn't I? Wouldn't it be crazy if I just stopped typing mid sent..?