This past Tuesday, members of the Greek community were given a lesson on relationships. Aaron Boe, an IU graduate and Kappa Sigma alum, spoke to a crowd of several hundred sorority women at Alumni Hall on the topic of abusive and healthy relationships. This is not a common topic that is casually thrown around, and Boe made the point to change that. What follows are the key takeaways that everyone should heed from his presentation, regardless of sexual identity or orientation.    

College is the place where we learn from experiences and grow into adults and find the people we think we love. This fairytale ending happens for some people, but not everybody is that lucky. Common challenges we tend to face are: 

• Falling for a person’s surface level: "He’s so cute, and plus he’s in that one house." 
• Being too flexible with our standards: "Okay, well it’s 1 a.m., so sure, why not?"   
• Falling too fast: You spot him riding the B bus and are already planning on having your wedding at that castle in Taylor Swift’s new music video. 
• Trying to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same in return: Sometimes we just can’t take the obvious hint.       

In order to get past these challenges, we need to start taking responsibility and discovering what we want in a relationship, whether it be "friends with benefit" or a serious, exclusive commitment.  

According to a Gallup survey, sorority women are most likely to be involved in an unhealthy relationship.   

Abusive relationships are not always physically violent. We hear the age-old question pop into our minds: “Did he ever hit you?” There are a lot more ways a relationship can be unhealthy than just physical abuse. 

Any type of drama, conflict or fighting can lead to abusive behavior. Name-calling, threats, and intimidation are the most popular and most overlooked but most definitely should not be shoved aside. As a guy reading this, you might be thinking, “I would never physically assault anyone that couldn’t defend themselves, especially if they were smaller or weaker than me; I’m a normal guy that isn’t crazy or messed up.” Intimidation comes quick to guys that feel the need to act tough and manly, however it is not healthy if you’re using that to get your girlfriend to something she doesn’t feel like doing. This includes but is not limited to: guilt tripping, whining, begging, threatening to breakup, trying and trying again and using alcohol to persuade her.   

Of course, there are two sides to every story, and that is true for unhealthy relationships. The most commonly thought of situation is when the man is in charge and controls the woman. He may think it’s alright because he treats her like a princess and buys her gifts, but if she steps out of line one time, hell might freeze over. The other option is when the man becomes a pushover and lets the woman dictate his life. Neither of these options are healthy or appropriate. Instead, the best relationship is when both see each other as equals. Love is not ownership, and ownership is not love; a healthy relationship contains space and self-control.   

We know everybody gets jealous, and that is natural. However, the way we feel and the way we deal need to be different. It’s never okay to tell your partner how to live his or her life; every person has the right to have nothing happen to his or her body that is not wanted. Sometimes people say that it was unclear what the person wanted at the time, and that they had no way of knowing. It is each person’s responsibility to make sure it is 100 percent wanted at that time and that the person is capable of saying so.   

It is the person that takes advantage of someone that is committing the wrongful deed - not the person who drank too much, passed out or is helpless and defenseless. Would you take $20 out of your friend’s wallet (and actually keep it) while he was passed out on the couch? If you said yes, you are a thief and awful friend! When this sort of situation happens, some people shake their heads and say that the person was asking for it by getting that drunk in the first place. It is never anybody’s fault for being taken advantage of. What makes things worse is when someone is harmed in a traumatic situation like this and is not supported by the people around them. 

Being a part of a sorority or fraternity is a gift, and we shouldn’t forget what it brings. Take advantage of being surrounded by your fifty closest friends, and if you ever see one of them going through a rough time, the best thing to do is to be there for them. You don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of respect, so never be afraid to share with someone what you’re going through.