I Am Not A Present For My Husband On Our Wedding Night
Start writing a post

I Am Not A Present For My Husband On Our Wedding Night

Sex! Sex! Sex!

I Am Not A Present For My Husband On Our Wedding Night

“You are a present for your husband on your wedding night.”

One sentence. One sentence was all it took, heard in the midst of my terrible eighth-grade health class, to make me make a pact with myself.

I was not going to a present...

I was gonna be the Sex Girl.

On the day in question, my poor class’ alleged sex-ed teacher was doing the exact opposite. Rather than literally educating us on Sex, as the name suggests, our teacher was mid-spiel on how “the Devil lurked in our underwear drawers” and “sex was made to be tempting to weed out the weak of heart” blah blah blah.

Just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with actually choosing abstinece. The problem arises when supposed health teachers shame young girls to be what a boy would want and not what she wants for herself.

The puberty propagandist continued on her virginity-tirade with, “And no boy is gonna want a present with torn wrapping paper, or a wrinkled ribbon…”

Upon wrapping up (see what I did there) her sermon, the surrounding hoard of petrified and naïve eighth-grade girls gave the “educator” (Really note those quotation marks) a polite smattering of applause. However, sat front row, dead center, was my chubby butt- simply seething.

“I am not a damn present,” I manically thought, “If my husband doesn't like me not being his standard of pure, then he's not the One for me. It’s my life she just insulted, and I will not deny myself basic human wants in the name of another person’s ideal.”

Snap. One second, you’re an innocent virgin, and the next, you’ve got a sex-promise to keep.

Lauren Memery- soon to be Local Sex Ed Aficionado and stigma-less sex advocate.

Maybe I should just stick with "Sex Girl”? It has a certain bite to it.

From then on, seeing as my school system wasn’t going to help me, I became my own informant on the nitty-gritty of getting down and dirty. I was lucky enough to have an honest curiosity towards the matter, and from that curiosity, I killed the cat of ignorance.

I got so well-informed (Thank you YouTube), my parents just kind of knew I didn’t need “The Talk” when it came time. Lucky me.

And I know it sounds really odd and degrading to be calling myself Sex Girl, but I wear the self-made title with pride. It’s my weird super-power to be fully open when talking about sex.

The act itself is already awkward enough, and timidity towards it only makes everything for everyone worse, so I proudly advocate for sex with all the might I can muster as to educate those who also have been failed by the awful state of our sexual education system, lessen the stigma and societal-shame, and simply to make for better sex.

My one private school alone was cranking out year after year of uneducated and ignorant kids into a sex-crazed world. Imagine how many other schools were like mine. Imagine how many kids weren’t using consent, or rubbers, or the full extent of their mouths and hands during sex? It’s a nightmare scenario!

So for their sake, the sake of all of their potential partners, and the sake that they may be one of my potential partners (What? Everyone's a little selfish.), I had to spread my findings fast as if they were an STI and there was a national shortage on condoms.

Thus, the chronicles of Sex Girl commence.

Yes, I was that girl who knew an entire rap about consent.

Yes, I was that girl who asked her mother for Christmas a book on “hook-up culture” for the sheer fascination of it.

Yes, I was that girl who would very excitedly go off on how the hymen is like a rubber band that needs to be stretched properly before penetrative sex and would proceed to demonstrate the best techniques.

And even still, it wasn’t enough.

It’s wild to think that even with all this advocacy on my part to kill the stigma surrounding sex, I still sobbed in shame when my mother found out I wasn’t a virgin.

That societal-born contempt, that look of disappointment from conservatives, that invisible finger being wagged in your face for your wrong doings, that feeling. It’s hard to shake. Trust me, I’ve been at it for years, to shed myself of this stifling traditionalist mentality, and I'm still not cured.

But this old world disapproval will not stop me. I still advocate for better sexual education and for its presentation at much younger ages as to have future generations never have to know this shame.

We need to do better. We just have to.

So go out and fight for better. It may be uncomfortable, but if you can get through those awkward bumblings your First Time brings, like smacking teeth, or getting hair in your mouth, then you can get through this.

You are doing nothing wrong when you demand better out of your educator, your partner, and your society. You are doing nothing wrong when you refuse to conform to the lifestyles others lay out for you. Most importantly, I am honestly doing nothing wrong, and neither are you, every time you give someone the privilege of sharing a bed with you, or closet, or backseat or wherever whenever you want!

We, pursuers of sex and it’s many facets of knowledge, are not evil. We’re just human.

“You are a present for your husband on your wedding night.”

No, Ms. Ard. No, I am not.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Founders Of Color: Rec Room's Dre Taylor On What Blackness Can Look Like And Not Working For Free

"It mattered to me that when we were depicting racial diversity for Rec Room, we showed the broad spectrum of what Blackness can look like."

Rec Room

The world of sustainable fashion is inundated with marketing gimmicks, false advertising, and large corporations cutting corners — Rec Room is the pure antithesis of that.

Keep Reading... Show less

Dunkin' just announced that they'll be releasing their fall menu earlier than ever — set to debut on August 19 — and that it'll include new menu options this season, including a new signature pumpkin spice latte. Let me just say, Starbucks has some fall-menu competition now.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

CBD Lip Balm Is The Calming Presence You Need In Your Life, Trust Me

I tried lip balm, sleep gummies, and an oil dropper from CBDistillery. Here's the final verdict.


CBD has been on making waves within the wellness space for the last few years. Generally related to the treatment of anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain, it's growing easier to find small CBD companies who are making products specifically designed to fit your needs. As FDA rules for CBD production can be a little hazy, it's true that not all CBD products are created equally. That's why it's important to look into the manufacturing of whatever you're deciding to try, especially if you're new to taking CBD.

As someone who has tried a variety of CBD products — some victories, some failures — I was thrilled when CBDistillery sent me a package of their favorites. They included a Broad Spectrum CBD Oil Tincture, their Nighttime Gummies, and a CBD Lip Balm.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Went To Disney For The First Time Since COVID-19 And It's Officially The Cleanest Place On Earth

I stopped focusing on the pandemic simply because, for the first time in months, I felt safe.

After a few months of self-quarantining, becoming suspicious of every cough, and blowing through masks like a medical school student, restrictions due to the pandemic are easing up a bit and businesses are warily reopening. While these public spaces may look the same on the outside, the way they function and operate is vastly different than a few months ago.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 At-Home Therapy Tips You Need, No Matter What Your Therapy Routine Is

Whether you're in a Zoom session or live-chatting, make sure your home therapy space is good to go.

No matter what stigmas you held about therapy before this year, I'm sure 2020 has affirmed that we could ALL use a nice long therapy session. Between wildfires that took over an entire continent, a global health crisis, and what's sure to be one giant circus of an election in the United States, we need help and we need it now.

The fact of the matter is, therapy has been a helpful, valid resource long before the world decided to become one giant dumpster fire. Having a safe space to discuss what's going on in your life, worries you have, and struggles you're facing has become a very normal thing for individuals' mental health.

Keep Reading... Show less

When it comes to wedding planning, each and every detail is customized to the style of the couple. From venue and decorations to food and beverages, nothing gets overlooked — whether your wedding is big, small, or virtual.

The same thing goes for invites, which are getting more and more beautiful every wedding season. If you're looking to customize your wedding invitations, the options are endless... you can add pictures if you wish, opt for fancy artwork, or keep it simple with just text).

Keep Reading... Show less

23 Burning Questions We Have For The Taureans In Our Lives, Answered By A Taurus

The remaining 11 signs took the bull by the horns, and it was a fun and insightful experience!

Jordyn Leach

Lately, I've been digging deeper into astrology and studying my sign. Throughout the journey, it's come to my attention that Taurus are probably one of the most complicated signs - that is, if you're not a Taurus.

To gain a little more perspective on how my sign is viewed by the others, I requested that the participants submit a question in response to the following:

Keep Reading... Show less
Universal Pictures

A music enthusiast like myself has a playlist for every mood. Life's a movie and you're the main character. In no specific order, listen to these songs to feel on top of the world!

Pro Tip: turn your crossfade up to 3 seconds for a seamless transition between each song!

Keep Reading... Show less

It's the most wonderful time of the year again — it's sorority recruitment season! While recruitment can be a fun and memorable experience, it can also take a toll on your mental health, especially this year, considering the special circumstances brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic. Here are a few reminders to keep in your mental health toolkit during recruitment week to help keep your mental health at bay during this unique experience.

Keep Reading... Show less

We've all been there. You see that super cute guy on your dating app of choice, his bio is funny, and then, the gut-wrenching feeling hits when you see their political views don't exactly line up with yours. He loves Trump, you can't stand him, or vice versa.

A lot of people will say you can get over politics, but I know from personal experience, as well as this survey, that politics play a huge role in whether a relationship will work or if we're even willing to swipe right on that profile.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments