It all started when I was running late for class. I slept in and had to literally run to make it to the bus. I slicked my hair into a pony tail and didn't have time to even think about makeup. For a lot of girls, that doesn't really matter. But for me, it was a constant worry all day. After a miserable 24 hours, I decided to make this a social experiment. I am a girl who normally wears concealer, liquid foundation, bronzer, blush, high light, eye shadow, eye liner and lipstick everyday. I'm obsessed with makeup blogs and Youtube beauty gurus. I don't just think, "What outfit should I wear to this event?" I also think, "Which Naked pallet should I pair it with." Makeup was starting to consume my life; I refused to leave the house without it and I was spending way more money that I actually had at Ulta and Sephora. I decided to go five days without makeup, hoping it would swear me off my addiction and maybe make me gain a little confidence a long the way.
People must be looking at me, my skin is breaking out, my eyebrows are whacked and these bags under my eyes are definitely NOT Prada. Walking to the bus stop was terrifying. Getting on the bus was terrifying. I felt like everyone was staring at me and noticing that I looked like a zombie. A young man opted to stand rather than sit next to me, and I immediately attributed that to my lack of makeup. Without my full face, I felt naked, vulnerable and afraid. I felt insecure and ugly. My first few hours of the experiment already succeeded at making me feel bad about myself. I was so anxious and nervous about going to class. I didn't dare walk in, and I imagined everyone would stare at me and think I was ugly.
My biggest insecurity was easily my skin. I never had perfect skin, but up until a few months ago, it was never anything I was too embarrassed about. I would break out a little when it was that time of the month, or I would have a few acne scars here and there - nothing to be too concerned about. A few months ago, I experienced the worst breakout of my life. All around my chin, there were acne scars and bumps. I felt disgusting and ashamed. Whether it been a change in diet or medication or something else, it was not going away. I went to doctors, who recommended hard creams and antibiotics, but none of them seemed to do anything. I was stuck. This was four months ago, and my skin is just starting to clear up. Even though my skin looked much better than it had previously, I still felt insecure and wanted to spare everyone from looking at it. All of my friends had perfect skin, perfect eyebrows and perfect cheekbones. I had to make my own perfection by first covering up my flaws. But without makeup, I was left uncovered with my flaws out there in the open.
Strangely enough, I was the least nervous to be makeup free around my boyfriend. Maybe it's just because I feel comfortable and accepted, but I knew he understood my skin issues and he does everything he can to stop me from feeling insecure. He even would advise to make sure I don't fall asleep with foundation on when I sleep over, since I've told him that makes me break out. I wasn't worried about my family, my friends or even my boyfriend looking at me without makeup, I was scared at what strangers and people I barely knew at school would say.
Isn't that interesting? I knew that the people I love and see everyday didn't care. After these five days, I've learned that I create most of my insecurities on my own. I'm so worried about whether or not people will not want to my friends because I think I look ugly. But trust me, nobody cares.
Although I was freaking out for the first few days, the third day of my social experiment was when things started getting better. I noticed how much extra time I had in the morning to get ready. I slept in and that helped to combat the bags under my eyes. I started being able to accept my naturally short eyelashes, and I began to embrace how light and pale my skin is without bronzer and foundation. Nobody in class or at work treated me any differently. Nobody asked me if I was sick or if there was something wrong. I realized that nobody really cared about how I looked. Everyone is so obsessed with how they look that they don't even have time to mentally critique a stranger.
It was the last day that was hardest. It was a Friday night and I was preparing to go out with my friends. I got sad when I realized that I was not allowed to wear make up. That was my form of self expression, and I wanted to use it to heighten my features when I went out with my friends. Makeup helps me feel confident, and makes me look on the outside how I feel on the inside. That's when I had a realization - these rules are my own, and now that I learned that I can like myself without makeup on, I can stop my social experiment. Makeup honestly is an art form, which is something that my boyfriend told me. He said that he used to think that girls who wore a lot of makeup were insecure and hiding something, and he wasn't wrong, at least I thought. Sure, makeup hides your insecurities, but it can also be a way to express yourself and expose certain parts of your face that you feel are the most beautiful, like your eyes, lips and skin. We both discovered that makeup is not a bad thing; it's actually very important when instilling confidence.
So I challenge all of you: Those who wear makeup to go a few days without it, so you can really appreciate how important it is and how special you feel when you wear it. And those of you who might be against it, or just don't wear it, to try it out. You don't have to wear a lot, just enough so YOU can tell. Who knows, you could become a beauty guru yourself.
I feel beautiful and loved, with or without makeup! #MakeupFreeSelfie
