Pain doesn't make me fragile

Stop Saying 'I Don't Know What To Say' When I'm Hurting Right In Front Of You

Because you are only making it worse.

I am pissed.

You could say that I am full of rage because of the countless frustrations that come with a typical day, and you'd be wrong. You could say that I have reached the stage of white-hot anger that comes with yet another bungled food order in Benson, and you still wouldn't have it. I'm not even furious at the horrible disease that took my mom from me, (though if you really believe that line of utter horseshit I just tried to throw at you, then you might want to check yourself). I find myself full of fury, and if I am being real, I think I should be pissed off.

But you know what pisses me off the most? The frustrating and obvious reality that we don't even bother to acknowledge that we all are going through things that could be made better if people were willing to take a chance and TRY to reach out.

How many times have you noticed that someone else is in pain? Let's be real, it is usually pretty obvious. You know the signs.

Or, let's take it one step farther when was a time you KNEW a friend of yours was struggling, but you kept your damn mouth closed because you were afraid you would say the "wrong" thing.

"Well, I don't know what the right thing to say is!"

All of you. You all have said this at one point in your life (and I, your fellow hypocrite, have said it myself before too).

But now, this is me telling you to stop. Stop leaving people in a pit of despair because you are too afraid to say something…(I mean anything.)

Plot twist: someone else's pain is NOT YOURS! Everytime you shy away from reaching out to a friend and supporting them, you are making it about you. Claiming that you could not possibly sit and listen to someone else's problems just might indicate that you only care about yourself. Look, I get it. You're not purposefully trying to be self-absorbed. It's human nature. But those in pain may see it just as that.

But it needs to stop. We need to understand that to build and grow as we all struggle to grasp on to true human connection, we have to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Do you know how relieving it is when someone brave enough finally asks me how I am doing?

Absolutely amazing.

I am pissed because I am so so tired of the pitying eyes. The tense atmosphere. The elephant in the room. Yes, painful issues are hard to discuss, and if we are being brutally honest most of us are dealing with painful issues. Some pain is deeper, and harder to face, but it is here for all of us and it is real. How many of us could heal, and if not heal, cope more effectively if people would both care, and then start acting like it?

We all need a real connection.

If you have no idea what the hell to say to someone, this is me telling you:

You do not have to get it perfect.

From personal experienced, those who have shown effort - even if what they said didn't necessarily make me feel better at that moment - have stayed in my life. I count on them. I would much rather someone blurt out how much death sucks than have them sit next to me frozen.

People, we don't need pity. We don't need avoidance.

We need effort. We need communication. We need courage from those who care.

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