I don’t know who I am. And that’s okay. I honestly thought I had a better idea of where I was going and what I wanted to do four years ago than I do right now. I had a career chosen, a life I knew I wanted to live. And now that the reality is coming closer, I think it’s setting in that I was really out of touch with myself.
You see, I had this ideal for myself. I wanted to be something that I wasn’t. I wanted to be the best version of myself—someone who didn’t make mistakes and didn't want shown in a bad light. I wanted to be someone who was strong, independent and smart. I wanted to be my definition of “flawless.” I wanted to be this ideal me.
However, she was just unattainable and unrealistic.
This took me a long time to realize. Mistakes are the building blocks of learning. Whenever we mess up something, we are more likely to remember the solution. Imagine being perfect. What would you learn? Who would you be? You would be at a plateau of growth—never changing, never learning, never bettering.
Not only do our mistakes teach us life’s most valuable lessons, they help you become who you are. We tend to want to hide the bad parts of us—our mess ups, the times where we didn’t make the best decision. We can’t sit here and act like we are these perfect people that don’t make mistakes.
We are the mistakes we make. We are the tears we cry. We are the things we learn and the things we mess up. All of these things that terrified me were the parts of me I tried to hide and act like they weren’t mine. I tried to hide them and act like they weren’t there. And this only made me distant from who I truly was.
Own your mistakes. They help us learn. They teach us what we deserve and what we really want. Nobody is perfect. And in this time where everyone seems to have the perfect life on social media, it can be even harder to face your problems because you feel like you are the only one going through it.
You are not.
Everyone messes up. Everyone thinks one little mess up can ruin their future. When I made mistakes I would back track, try to fix it as soon as possible, and cover it up with good intentions. I was learning nothing. I wasn’t becoming a person that I liked because I wasn’t bettering myself. I was trying to keep my “flawless” look and ideal reputation.
We need to acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. They make us, us. There is an ideal version of yourself, but don’t act like they are perfect. Even the best version of yourself can be better by learning from their mistakes.
I don’t know who I am. And that used to scare me. I didn’t realize the mistakes I was making were helping me discover myself a little more every day. Everything I learned only helped me become a better me—a me that I was proud of. I am coming closer to finding myself every day, and now I know that that girl isn’t perfect. She never will be. And again, I’m okay with that. Perfection doesn’t have to mean free from all defects and flaws. Perfection can be the best version of yourself—something to strive for.
