Our very religious president once proclaimed that he would fight to protect Christianity — this was in the speech where he cited "Two Corinthians."
It seems that President Trump has accomplished this and even more during his time in office! Check out all the ways Trump is changing America for the better.
1. He's improving the quality of our Supreme Court justices.
Trump nominated Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, a man known for his taste in alcoholic beverages. Though Christine Blasey Ford, a respected psychology professor, came forward with sexual assault allegations against him, Kavanaugh was still confirmed to the court since he provided ample evidence to clear his name. For example, he provided the court with a handwritten college calendar from 1982. That sounds completely credible, right? Just ask PJ, Tobin, or Squee! They were too busy binge-drinking and engaging in the Devil's Triangle — don't google that, by the way— to assault any women. You picked a good one, Mr. Trump!
2. He's building foreign relations.
Trump has made some amazing friends during his presidency, some of the most notable being dictators Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un. Referring to Kim Jong Un, Trump told Fox News, "He speaks and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same." It's great that Trump has found a role model in this dictator! Similarly, Trump has come to admire Putin and has even conducted meetings with him which included information the public is not allowed to know about. But it's OK, we trust him! He's made some people angry too, such as our longtime allies from Europe and Canada, but who needs them anyway?
3. He's given government workers vacation time.
Trump has fought gallantly for our border wall, and in the process, decided to give some government employees time off by shutting down the government! In fact, he gave them the longest unpaid break in history. Without money to provide for themselves or their families, the workers were given a nice incentive to start dieting, which is always nice! And for the ones who did have to work for during the shutdown, well, they had the honor of volunteering for their country!
4. He's spreading acceptance.
Remember in Charlottesville when violence broke out between white supremacists and people of color? Well, Trump was quick to remind us that there were good people on both sides of the fight. Despite calling all immigrants criminals, it's good to know that Trump is always looking to find the best in people, even neo-nazis!
5. He's breaking records.
Never before has a president been involved in so many investigations! In fact, Trump has close ties to 17 ongoing investigations including election hacking, money laundering and obstructing justice. Not to mention, six of his associates have actually been indicted, five of which have pleaded guilty!
Oh, Donald, he always has to be the best at everything!