I recently read an article entitled Ways To Be The Perfect College Girlfriend, listing 50 things a woman in college should do if she hopes to be the ideal girlfriend. Seeing as I’m a woman in college, I thought it was only fair to make a list in response! Here are the ways to be a perfect college boyfriend:
1. Respect women and their personal autonomy.
That’s it. There may be other ideals on my personal list, but those are personal preferences I should not expect every man to embody or aim for. All I ask of men is that you respect women as people, and understand that your girlfriend is not simply a vessel made for your pleasure, but rather a living and breathing human with whom you have chosen to enter into a partnership with.
Seems easy enough. Respecting women is a no-brainer, right? One would hope, but the article “50 Ways to Be the Perfect College Girlfriend” makes it clear that its author (and those who would share it un-ironically) needs a lot of work in this department.
To “StuffFratPeopleLike,” I ask you: do you really think you are entitled to everything on this exhaustive list? Do you really think you should be able to speak freely about how many people you have had sex with, but a woman should lie? Do you truly believe that a “grown up” woman is required to be on the (oftentimes expensive) birth control pill, but your grown ass shouldn’t have to wear a condom, just because you don’t like it? Are you under the impression that you are entitled to a threesome or a blowjob at all times, regardless of your girlfriend’s desires?
If you dare answer “yes,” then just know that you are the exact reason why people are wary of greek life. You, sir, embody why feminism is still incredibly necessary. These very same ideas you promote – that women are objects made for the male gaze, that frat boys are entitled to certain sexual experiences – are the root of why sexual assault has become such a prevalent issue on college campuses, especially within greek communities. Your words make the world more dangerous for me to live in.
Women do not exist for your entertainment or satisfaction. A romantic relationship is a two-way partnership meant to cultivate happiness for both participants, not one over the other. There may be certain qualities you would like a potential girlfriend of yours to possess, but you are not so important that every woman should aspire to them. It is not your girlfriend’s job to bake for you, sell you Adderall, have a specific body type, play matchmaker for your friends, have an “attractive” mother, or shotgun a beer just for your pleasure. While she may and should do things to make you happy, it is always meant to be out of genuine (and reciprocated) love, and should never compromise her personal individuality or happiness. And, by the way, both partners should illustrate their love for one another through these acts of generosity. In short, a woman is not your servant. Understood?
So, back to my list. Want to be a perfect college boyfriend?
Start by not being a sexist pig.
