A Poem From Your Server, Maybe

Hello everyone! How are you?

My name is-

Oh sure! Water- Absolutely- Can do!

Would you like lem-

Oh some coffee? With milk or cream-

Oh I see, here starts the theme

Where everything I say gets cut

By your impatience which begs me to shut

My mouth and smile and wait and play

A patient person who will “ruin your day”

Because we can’t make substitutions

Which is clearly not our institution’s

Or establishment’s fault. It’s mine!

I’m also to blame for the steak-

“It’s rough! It’s tough! I’m lucky I didn’t break

My damn tooth on this thing- “Yes, Sir,

I’m not trying to be sassy or bratty or rude,

I’m simply trying to help y- DUDE

Will you LISTEN to what I’m trying to SAY

I didn’t come in to have my day

Be ruined by someone who wants a soft

But well done steak and who doesn’t hesitate to cough

In my face when I lean in to ask what you said

Because you’ve mistaken your menu for my head

Or my ears or wherever you’re aiming

But I can’t help you if you keep on complaining

And don’t let me leave to grab help-

Yes, I know sir, you’re unhappy- Welp,

I’m sorry I just got another table!

My manager will be more than able

To help you, Sir, and I’m sorry for the trouble.

I’m sure they will give you a coupon or double

Your dessert size, if that would be better.

Your wife’s upset too? Well if you’d let her

Order her own meal she wouldn’t be.

You’re right, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be

Voicing my opinions, I should be grabbing drinks

For this new table, before they think

That I’m slacking at my job and decide

To not leave a tip or to just hide

A pile of change below a napkin

That’s stained with a note which will blacken

My mood for the rest of the week.

Something nasty or crude that will reek

Of prejudice against a working class

College student who “Has a better ass

than a work ethic”, anyway, Sir,

Have a nice day. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Anyway, Hello everyone! How are you?

My name is-

Oh sure! Water. Absolutely. Can do.

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