I’m almost halfway through my college career and I’m not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. At 20 years old I’m supposed to have figured out all the little secrets about life and be 100% percent sure in myself and what I want to do. But you’re talking to the girl who can’t ever seem to decide between Chinese or Italian takeout…How do you expect me to pick a career?
Ever since we became seniors in high schools it’s been the same questions over and over again. “Where do you want to go to college?” “What are you going to major in?” “What do you want to do with your life?” Like calm down, people! I don’t know! In fact, most of us don’t really know. It’s estimated that 75% of students switch their majors at least once before graduating… Maybe stop pressuring me to be a doctor or a lawyer every other minute and I’ll figure out what I want to do.
I’ve known numerous fellow nursing students who picked this major for all the wrong reasons and didn’t make through the first year because they just weren’t dedicated to the work. (Because trust me, it’s a hell of a lot of work to be a nursing student.) There are also people in the nursing school who already had a bachelor's degree but always regretted not becoming a nurse so they came back to school. I met a woman yesterday who had FOUR careers before she became a mental health counselor. I'd drive myself crazy if I changed my career that many times!
Most days I wake up and I’m sure this is what I want to do. I go to the hospital at 6 in the morning with all my friends and I’m constantly making a positive change in people’s lives. It’s one of the greatest highs out there. But then there are nights when I lie in bed and think, “Is this really want I want to do with the rest of my life?” How do I know I won’t wake up in 20 years and regret everything? And of course, I’m not supposed to talk about any of my insecurities. I’ve already made it into the college of my dreams, what could I possibly be unsure about now?
So I just keep my head down and work to get my degree as hard as I can.
But then I think about my grandmother. My 97-year-old, incredibly smart, amazingly kind, and beautiful grandmother worked as a realtor for nearly 20 years before she walked into work one day and said: “I quit.” She had an amazing job, worked with great people, and got paid quite nicely. But she left it all behind to become an author. She had no idea if anything would come of it, but she just knew she had to start writing. I’m so happy for her that she found something that makes her truly happy.
But I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’ve not been doing the thing I’m meant to be doing.
I don’t know if there’s an answer to all my questions. And I don't really have any words of advice for people who are having the same thoughts. All I have is hope. Hope that I'm doing the right thing. Hope that I won't regret this career path in the future. Hope that I haven't been wasting the past two years of my life with this major. I have to have hope or else I don't know if I'll make it through this.
