PURCHASE, NY - Complaints of anti-merriment have arisen at Purchase College after Christmas decorations were taken down across the campus. Critics of the action claim that it is discriminatory against those who celebrate the holiday. Some are calling it a "War on Christmas."
"It's absolutely ludicrous," said one student, who wished not to be name for fear of prosecution from his peers. "So what if Christmas is eleven months away? Some of us want to experience the joy of the Christmas season all year round." Another student, who also wanted to remain anonymous, said that she plans on buying decorations and hanging them up in protest. "I just bought a dozen nutcrackers and a hundred feet of Christmas lights," she said. "The PC police can pry them from my cold, dead hands." One student even said, "this is what happens when you let politically correct crazies run our country. As if the war against ISIS wasn't enough, now we have to have a war on Christmas? That's insane!"
A statement was released last week, which reads:
"At Purchase College, we believe in the basic human freedom to express yourself in any way possible, whether it be through art, music, or keeping six Santa Claus lawn ornaments in your dorm room all year. Our offices are decorated with colorful lights, and we always start playing our favorite Christmas songs in March. Our motto here is "Think Wide Open," and we strive to live by those words every day. We will continue to follow that tradition by allowing our students to practice the freedom to express their Christmas cheer whenever they choose."
Some students, however, feel that the change of decoration is normal. James "Lone Wolf" Cellum, thus nicknamed because he is the only Environmental Studies major enrolled in the college, said, "Wait, this is problem? I literally could not care less." Rosie Smith, a History major, said "I didn't even buy decorations this year. I'm so poor." Laura Romanoff, a Psychology major, claimed the problem was "so freaking stupid."
Bill O'Reilly could not be reached for comment.
