A Declaration Of War On Fake Pockets

A Declaration Of War On Fake Pockets

An epidemic that must be stopped right now!
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This is short satirical piece I wrote a couple of years ago for a class assignment in which I had to write something from the point of view of a drama queen. Enjoy:

So you probably know that there are a large number of social issues going around lately in our society such as poverty, equality, whether or not Kim K’s bum is real or not, amongst many others. But something that is barely receiving any attention at all recently is how small or fake girl pockets are in female clothing. Oh the horror! My spirit grows weaker with just the thought of that atrocity!

Where should I start? So last weekend, I was wearing these cute H&M red skinny jeans at this party. My mom called in order to check in on me, and after I hung up, I inserted my iPhone 6s Plus into one of my “pockets.” Next thing I knew, the sound of something hitting the ground was heard across the whole room. Turns out, I failed to notice my skinny jeans’ fatal flaw of having fake pockets incorporated into them, which made the screen of my precious phone crack as well as my heart when it hit the ground. It took me more than a week to fully recover from that tragedy. That was the day I vowed to take revenge on this impending curse and stop it once and for all. Call me Buddha because I feel enlightened and ready to spread my philosophy.

First off, it’s not fair that boys can carry whatever they want in their pockets. Boy pockets are the clothing equivalent to having Mary Poppins’ bag. They can basically survive the whole Zombie Apocalypse with just filling their pockets a bit. They can take with them everything that they need like a phone, wallet, grandma, chewing gum and even the whole darn Chinese Gymnastics team if they want to. But us women are stuck with pockets that can fit as much as three bobby pins and forced by the fashion industry to buy purses. Do you know how hard it is to perfectly match a purse with your outfit? Ugh! Like I needed my life to be even more complicated!

Sometimes I think that I should call president Obama in order to fix this problem because he’s supposed to present change (that’s his purpose, right?). The lack of equal pocket size rights in this world makes me question the whole purpose of feminism anyways. That’s like soooooo sexist. Like, why be able to vote if you’re not even able to place anything in a pocket! Talking about being unproductive! How are we going to be treated as equals when men oppress and laugh at us for our nonexistent pockets! This is our time to fight for equality and below is my battle plan on how we will achieve this goal.

First of all, all fake pocket sellers should be banned and shamed. Let’s have our word known across every social media. We can open a hotline for people experiencing small/fake pocket-related crises. I suggest that all of us, pro-pocket people, to revolt and protests outside every store, mall and factory that are not willing to change towards our favor. We shall all grab our torches and destroy every one of them and take what is ours with fire and blood or die with honor! We shall feast upon their defeat and rejoice on our victories. When our revolution is completed, a better world with improved pockets will be enjoyed by us all. We will be remembered until the end of time for our great and courageous feats. I have a dream, and it’s to stop pocket extinction!

Cover Image Credit: MadAllice

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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Early 2000s Fashion Is The Next 90s Style Obsession

The 2000s trends that will take over the 90s ones in the next generation!

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Teenagers today flock to places like Urban Outfitters and Forever 21, where many of the seasonal styles are trends from the 90's. These are popular because they have become huge nostalgic pieces, reminiscent of our parents days as young adults. Even kids who have no connection to the 90's participate in this recycling of fashion due to their pure fascination in the time period.

But what will be the next reclaimed era of style? The answer is easily, the early 2000's. When Brittany Spears ruled the track suit and Ashley Tisdale was never seen without a skirt layered over baggy jeans. This iconic time in style will be what our kids are asking us about in the years to come, and I can't wait!

1. Metallic everything will be the new plaid

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6b/34/01/6b3401eff767d3356b2381455c5e50e0.jpg and https://i.pinimg.com/originals/96/d5/0b/96d50b79ab7a98b541f8b3ede0c96c32.jpg

Jennifer Lopez's metallic get up (2000) and Garcelle Beauvais's plaid skirt (1994).

2. Houndstooth pattern will be the new shape prints

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ab/1f/a1/ab1fa1cdca6acf20df4471dc0d9476e3.png and https://www.hawtcelebs.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/emma-chamberlain-at-louis-vuitton-show-at-paris-fashion-week-03-05-2019-0.jpg

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl wearing the classic Houndstooth print (2007) and Emma Chamberlain wearing a Louis Vuitton dress with the 90s-esque shapes pattern on it (2019).

3. Faux sports tops will be the new skate brands

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/0e/59/2b/0e592bbed6030cb26cc04ac453225773.jpg and https://www.vogue.com/article/how-did-thrasher-tee-become-model-off-duty-staple

Miranda from Lizzie Mcguire wearing a jersey top (2001) and a model wearing the popular 90s Thrasher brand tee.

4. Low-rise pants will be the new mom jeans

http://www.mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/style/2014/06/low-rise-jeans-paris-hilton.jpg and http://www.snakkle.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/jennifer-aniston-mom-jeans-red-carpet-1990-photo-GC.jpg

Paris Hilton wearing low rise jeans (2002) and Jennifer Aniston sporting mom jeans (1990).

5. Logo hand bags will be the new mini backpacks

https://www.glamour.com/story/louis-vuitton-discontinuing-murakami-monogram-bags and https://jennynovelloblog.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/cher2.jpg

Jessica Simpson with Louis Vuitton logo bag (2003) and Cher Horowitz's tiny backpack in Clueless (1995).

6. Eccentric hair accessories will be the new tiny sunglasses

https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/yIPOy4K0TWSemqtgv67CWVOBMuA/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2016/09/28/772/n/1922153/6391dae4b68d62bf_GettyImages-104976736/i/Leave-Hair-Chopsticks.jpg and https://thefashiontag.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/2017-sunglasses-trend-90s-small-sunglasses-12.jpg

Hilary Duff, queen of hair accessories (2002) and Drew Barrymore with tiny Aaliyah sunnies in the 90's.

7. Corset tops will be the new casual lingerie

https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/eve-and-nick-carter-at-the-teen-choice-awards-2002-held-at-the-in-picture-id2260312?s=612x612 and https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/news/g4736/celebrities-in-lingerie-mtv-movie-awards/?slide=6

Eve in a corset top at the 2002 Teen Choice Awards and Catherine Zeta-Jones wearing a lingerie dress (1999).

8. Kitten heels will be the new platform shoes

http://media.glamour.com/photos/57e023ed362f532f5d986f46/master/w_1508/olsen-twins-1999-kitten-heels.jpg and https://mondrian.mashable.com/uploads%252Fcard%252Fimage%252F10371%252FGettyImages-76448801.jpg%252F950x534__filters%253Aquality%252890%2529.jpg?signature=GEGks_K_TSXBFuwYMAvxTNtSltU=&source=https%3A%2F%2Fblueprint-api-production.s3.amazonaws.com

The Olsen Twins in kitten heels (2000) and The Spice Girls in platform sneakers (1997).

9. Cardigans will be the new puffer jackets

https://images.hellogiggles.com/uploads/2016/07/19060526/mean-girls.jpg and https://i.pinimg.com/originals/49/29/a5/4929a560eb5b3cf8be8133c27b41a2db.jpg

Regina George from Mean Girls sports the popular cardigan style (2004) and Bella Hadid wearing a 90's inspired puffer jacket.

10. Designer track suits will be the new biker shorts

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/5b/31/71/5b31714fea5fc48da7c0b8d48e56751d.jpg and https://i.pinimg.com/originals/91/76/59/9176598b38975bd65f5931a16a97ee34.png

Britney Spears wearing a Juicy Couture tracksuit in the early 2000s and Princess Diana sporting the biker shorts trend in the 90's.

Some may absolutely despise the early 2000s fashion. But when it makes its way back to mainstream stores and our kids are dressing in these looks, the nostalgia will be unreal!

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