A Declaration Of War On Fake Pockets
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

A Declaration Of War On Fake Pockets

An epidemic that must be stopped right now!

900
A Declaration Of War On Fake Pockets
MadAllice

This is short satirical piece I wrote a couple of years ago for a class assignment in which I had to write something from the point of view of a drama queen. Enjoy:

So you probably know that there are a large number of social issues going around lately in our society such as poverty, equality, whether or not Kim K’s bum is real or not, amongst many others. But something that is barely receiving any attention at all recently is how small or fake girl pockets are in female clothing. Oh the horror! My spirit grows weaker with just the thought of that atrocity!

Where should I start? So last weekend, I was wearing these cute H&M red skinny jeans at this party. My mom called in order to check in on me, and after I hung up, I inserted my iPhone 6s Plus into one of my “pockets.” Next thing I knew, the sound of something hitting the ground was heard across the whole room. Turns out, I failed to notice my skinny jeans’ fatal flaw of having fake pockets incorporated into them, which made the screen of my precious phone crack as well as my heart when it hit the ground. It took me more than a week to fully recover from that tragedy. That was the day I vowed to take revenge on this impending curse and stop it once and for all. Call me Buddha because I feel enlightened and ready to spread my philosophy.

First off, it’s not fair that boys can carry whatever they want in their pockets. Boy pockets are the clothing equivalent to having Mary Poppins’ bag. They can basically survive the whole Zombie Apocalypse with just filling their pockets a bit. They can take with them everything that they need like a phone, wallet, grandma, chewing gum and even the whole darn Chinese Gymnastics team if they want to. But us women are stuck with pockets that can fit as much as three bobby pins and forced by the fashion industry to buy purses. Do you know how hard it is to perfectly match a purse with your outfit? Ugh! Like I needed my life to be even more complicated!

Sometimes I think that I should call president Obama in order to fix this problem because he’s supposed to present change (that’s his purpose, right?). The lack of equal pocket size rights in this world makes me question the whole purpose of feminism anyways. That’s like soooooo sexist. Like, why be able to vote if you’re not even able to place anything in a pocket! Talking about being unproductive! How are we going to be treated as equals when men oppress and laugh at us for our nonexistent pockets! This is our time to fight for equality and below is my battle plan on how we will achieve this goal.

First of all, all fake pocket sellers should be banned and shamed. Let’s have our word known across every social media. We can open a hotline for people experiencing small/fake pocket-related crises. I suggest that all of us, pro-pocket people, to revolt and protests outside every store, mall and factory that are not willing to change towards our favor. We shall all grab our torches and destroy every one of them and take what is ours with fire and blood or die with honor! We shall feast upon their defeat and rejoice on our victories. When our revolution is completed, a better world with improved pockets will be enjoyed by us all. We will be remembered until the end of time for our great and courageous feats. I have a dream, and it’s to stop pocket extinction!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

7 Things Your Partner Can Do To Support You When You Have PCOS

Don't be afraid to ask for help or comfort if you need it.

3504

Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) may not be totally visible to the eye, which makes it a lot harder for your partner to understand what's going on with your body.

If you are in a relationship, it's important that you communicate your PCOS symptoms with your partner. I say "your" symptoms specifically because everyone's symptoms are different.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Watched 'The Social Dilemma' And YIKES, I'm Terrified For The Next Generation's Mental Health

Millennials can remember a time without online social affirmation, but we may be the last ones.

2025
The Social Dilemma / Netflix

I've been in a media job for the entirety of my professional career. From part-time social media internships to full-time editorial work, I've continued to learn how to tell stories, write catchy headlines, and keep people interested. I believe working in media is a big responsibility, as well as a valuable way to advance our world.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

One Indictment, Three Charges, And No Justice For Breonna Taylor

We can't settle for this decision or a system that is fundamentally broken and unequal.

7156

On March 13, 26-year-old Breonna Taylor was fatally shot in her apartment by police who were executing a "no-knock" warrant. Since then, there have been rallying efforts both in the streets and on social media demanding justice for Taylor and keeping her name known.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

I’m OK With Hooking Up On The First Date, But That DOESN'T Make Me Easy

2020 has been a crazy year. And yet, women being comfortable with our bodies still seems to be a big topic in mass media.

238

I'm an adult. There is no reason I can't have consensual sex with someone on the first date. It does NOT make me easy, and it does not mean I'll have sex with just anyone the first time I meet them.

Keep Reading... Show less

I was so excited to vote in my local primary election in August. I eagerly researched my local candidates, combed the newspaper for profiles and policy positions, and shared infographics on Insta about voting deadlines. I considered myself a keen voter.

Keep Reading... Show less

Nothing! There is no reason to feel guilty about food and nourishing your body. It's time to make peace with food and stop focusing on the "good" or "bad," "right" or "wrong" because food does not have power over you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Sat Down With An Endocrinologist To Ask All My Questions About Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

There are so many moving parts of hormonal health, so I went to an expert.

5034
Anjanette Tan

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is an autoimmune disease that impacts approximately 1 in 10 women. Any woman who has PCOS can attest to the fact that no two cases are the same — there are so many aspects of hormonal health that can impact a woman's reproductive health! For many, PCOS is a trial and error condition, with many doctors' appointments depending on the stage of life the woman is in.

This week I sat down with Dr. Anjanette Tan to get the expert opinion on all my PCOS questions. Dr. Tan is a board-certified endocrinologist who's worked in private practices since 2004. She currently works at the Diabetes and Thyroid Center of Fort Worth, one of the largest all-endocrine practices in the area, where she is the managing partner and head of clinical research.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

This $40 Silk Sleep Mask Gives Me The Best Sleep I've Ever Had — I Never Go Anywhere Without It

Crane And Canopy just redefined the meaning of "beauty sleep".

3779

- Since I can remember, I've always been a light sleeper, with the quietest sounds waking me up, and I regularly wake up with the sun.

- While talking to a gynecologist friend of mine, she mentioned the importance of using an eye mask for quality sleep, which regulates hormonal levels.

- I was serendipitously sent the Crane & Canopy Silk Sleep Mask almost right after that conversation and was honestly reluctant to try it after testing other sleep masks that felt uncomfortable and irritated my skin.

- This sleep mask was extremely comfortable, and for the first time in nearly a decade, I slept in far past when I usually do on the weekends and woke up feeling more refreshed than I can remember — I've worn it nearly every night since then.

The older I get, it seems that sleep becomes an increasingly important topic of conversation amongst my friends and me. Yes, of course we complain about how tired we always are, but the pattern seemed to be a lack of sleep on the weekdays followed by late nights and sleeping in on the weekends without any solution.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

The Self-Care Kit Every College Student Should Have Handy In 2020

Make sure you have everything you need to relieve some tension.

2038

As college students, sometimes life can be overwhelming. Four tests in a week and you only passed one of them? I feel that. Days like that, you just need time for yourself. A time where you're nice to yourself and put your own self-care before anything else.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

The Smile Project Just Launched An Ambassador Program, And I Can't Wait To Get Started

Looking to shift your perspective, be happier, or just get involved in something truly amazing? Look no further.

1504

The Smile Project is a nonprofit organization devoted to spreading happiness, founded by Elizabeth Buechele. It all started on a random day in the fall of her senior year. She was driving home from school when this thought crossed her mind: "Day 1: Happiness is…those perfect car rides where the radio just plays all the right songs."

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments