This is What Your Waitress Is Really Thinking When You Say These 8 Things

This is What Your Waitress Is Really Thinking When You Say These 8 Things

Refrain from rolling your eyes. Refrain from rolling your eyes.

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With the motto "the customer is always right" circulating the service industry, waitressing can be a frustrating job. Dealing with the public can be interesting to say the least. Often customers don't even realize how truly annoying some of their comments are because the waitresses maintain their composure through it all. However, here is what your waitress is actually thinking when you say these 8 annoying things.

1. “Be sure you don’t overcook the food. The past few times I’ve been here the food has been overcooked.”

In your head: First off, I won't be the one making your food. Second, if you haven't liked your food the past few times you were here then why are you back?
In reality: Through clenched teeth, you must smile and reassure them you will pass along the message.

2. “Did you guys raise your prices, or is this food made of gold?”

In your head: I don't make the prices, I just charge them.
In reality: You fake laugh, and just agree that it is pricy but reassure them it is because of the quality.

3. “Is everything in here?”

In your head: I don't know I didn't bag your order. I am out here waiting on you, not in the back on food prep.
In reality: I personally, did not put together your order, but to the best of my knowledge it is all there.

4. “I want this as fast as possible.”

In your head: I can't make anything cook faster. Not because I don't want to, but because I am not a superhero. Do you want it raw?
In reality: Okay, I'll let them know this is a priority.

5. “Buy yourself something nice (with their super small tip).”

In your head: Wow, this 50 cents is so generous once I split it with the other people I might get a whole 25 cents.
In reality: Thank you! Enjoy your night!

6. “I want a sandwich with everything on it.” *Finishes order* “Plus no tomato on that one sandwich...”

In your head: Then you do not want everything on that sandwich like I asked???
In reality: Oh, okay.

7. “What do you recommend?”

In your head: What makes you think our taste buds are similar? I only like chicken nuggets, and since you're 40 I highly doubt that is what you are going to order. Plus, you aren't going to order anything I recommend.
In reality: Well this a pretty popular item that people get. Would you like to try it? No, okay.

8. “I don’t feel comfortable giving you my card.”

In your head: I get it. Identity theft is a thing, but if I was going to steal your card information would I really be working here to do it? Also, just pay cash if you don't want me to take your card.
In reality: The only way I can process your payment with a card is if I take it. I assure you I will bring it right back.

Cover Image Credit:

Unsplash

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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."
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Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."


3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."


4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.


"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.


“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. ...so are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.


Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."


25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.


"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.


"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."


30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.


"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"


32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."


34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."


35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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