Being vulnerable is one of the most feared things in our American culture today. This is displayed through how people approach relationships, the way we communicate, and the basis of how we share our beliefs. Author of "Daring Greatly", Brené Brown defines vulnerability as, "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." To be vulnerable means to allow yourself to be susceptible to hurt, because you have allowed yourself to be known, to be seen, and to feel. That kind of raw authenticity may seem like weakness, but in reality, it takes courage to be honest and to let yourself be seen for who you are.
Being vulnerable is about openness in a relationship with another person, being willing to put their opinion of you on the line because you are open, real, transparent, and truthful with that other person. One of our greatest fears is to not be loved or confirmed in what we believe about ourselves by another person. For example, people are scared to have someone who thinks they are beautiful see them without makeup, because then they might think they are less than gorgeous. But the reality is, they wish themselves to be beautiful, and instead of believing they are, they must have other people think that of them for the fact that they are beautiful to be true. Rather, I believe that these truths of a person should be displayed and discovered, because people’s thoughts and opinions change, yet you can remain you. Your identity does not change. The fact that someone is beautiful because of who they are should remain the same, despite opinions and change of outward appearance, because there is no basis or standard for beauty except what each individual creates in his or her own mind. Okay, that was a long tangent to prove that people are scared of being real because they let the truth of themselves be defined by opinions of others. That we also established as dangerous, because no one’s opinion is consistent or the same as a total of humanity. This goes for any attribute you want to or think you have: friendliness, athleticism, healthy, kind, people person, knowledgeable, popular, well-liked, etc. These cannot be defined by opinions of others. So we have a fear of vulnerability because for someone to know the whole truth of us could be devastating to the person we are letting ourselves be known as.
I want to look at relationships to help you see how vulnerability is important and lacking, and then you can see how it translates into some of the biggest ways we live life. Why is this so important in our relationships? It is important because how much better would it be for someone to love you who knows you at your worst, grumpy, eat-all-day, binge-watch-Netflix, no makeup, poochy stomach, acne, and upset times, rather than someone who loves you because they see you for your cute family, perfect body, healthy eating habits, #goals moments? What if we could be real with the people around us, rather than keeping them caring about us by only letting them see something we wish we could be, but don’t truly believe we are?
We are scared to be real in our friend groups. We hold back some of our thoughts and ideas because we are scared to offend or scared to be judged for them. Why are we so scared to offend our friends with our ideas? Why should they be offended? Are they scared their mind must be changed? Do we not have a right to our own opinions? Obviously, we have reason for how we see things, what if we were allowed to share how we feel? What if people actually listened? What if people were then able to see a bigger picture and form a more solid, accurate, better opinion and view-point because they have learned more about what is out there? Would that also make it more okay for us to have an opinion different than the norm? Another way to look at this, is in this time we are scared to get close to anyone for fear of being hurt. We see this happen when we want the boyfriend and the benefits without the messy reality of a relationship. A good read on this thought is an article by Krysti Wilkinson on the Huffington Post, “We are the Generation that Doesn’t Want Relationships.” Vulnerability makes love more valuable. It’s important. Yet, It’s so very lacking. How much more special would our relationships be, if we could trust ourselves and our friends enough to be genuine?
