Vegans.
The girl that spends three hours in the grocery store searching for the granola without processed sugar. The long haired guy riding his bike down the street with a yoga mat in tow. That middle aged woman at the park trying to hand you a pamphlet about the dangers of mono-hydro-what-the-fuck-oxide.
They certainly don’t go unnoticed. Criticized for their aggressive commitment to spreading the word of the vegan movement, the general public has developed a less-than-favorable stereotype about what a vegan looks and acts like.
Despite the undeniable importance of the vegan movement, we should all be able to laugh at ourselves and understand that plant-based people can be "that annoying vegan" from time to time.
So this one’s for all you kombucha-drinking, Birkenstock-wearing, totally awesome vegans.
1. You reference your vegan lifestyle in Instagram captions
“Just being a basic vegan bitch” or “Made a beautiful breakfast bowl this morning… love this lifestyle!!!!!”
2. You force your friends and family to sit through vegan documentaries
And you’ve watched them three times each. You'll never hear the end of how much your sister hated Cowspiracy.
3. Your restaurant orders are actually the worst
“Can I can get the strawberry poppyseed salad? But with no chicken. Or feta cheese. Oh, and can I get a dressing substitute?”
4. Your grocery store visits are rarely short of two hours
It takes 15 minutes just to locate the almond milk, and another 10 to decide whether to get vanilla or original flavor.
5. You wear obnoxious (adorable) vegan apparel
You own a “KALE” sweatshirt. Well, you own two "KALE" sweatshirts.
6. You follow vegan YouTubers religiously
Because where would you be without Hannah Howlett to tell you what spices will go best with your rice and potatoes.
7. Your breakfast looks like something out of a magazine… because you spent half an hour making it that way
“Just one more coconut flake in my acai bowl and it’ll be perfect.”
8. You're always trying to get people to try your latest concoction
"You can't even tell it's vegan! I promise."
So are you an annoying vegan? Good for you. Break out that green tea and forget about the haters. Keep on keeping on you hippie-dippie tree hugger.
