As I was casually scrolling through Tumblr ( yea, never a good place to start), I realized how many different theories and conspiracies Tumblr has about vampires. The ideas can range from well thought out headcanons, to freakily accurate conspiracies. Some of them (I admit) are kind of bland, but other theories actually make my skin crawl and all I can do is just think. To show you exactly what I mean, here are some theories Tumblr has birthed.
Theory 1: Vampires at Walmart
Vampires are usually hired at Walmart. Think about it. It's open 24 hours a day, and the job is most commonly described as "soul-sucking". Also, in most stores, they have greeters stand at the entrance to greet the costumers as they walk in. Why is this strange you ask? Because greeting people is their only job ,and vampires can only enter if you invite them in. I don't know about you, but I completely accept this theory.
Theory 2: Vampires Are Anti-Italian
This one I find hilarious since I'm half Italian myself. Vampires can't have garlic, they have no reflection (apparently this coincides with the stereotype that Italian men can't stop looking at themselves in the mirror- rude), they can't go in sunlight (how can you avoid sunlight in Italy), and they can't go near crucifixes. I mean how anti-Italian can you get?
Theory 3: Vampire Dress Code
Once you become a vampire, do you instantly require an acute sense of style or are you taught by other vampires? Are there some newborns walking around in Aeropostale shirts and khaki shorts? Ouch.
Theory 4: Conspiracies In Pop-Culture
Ever wonder why vampire books, movies, and TV shows have recently been produced in massive quantities? Or why they have become so overly popular even when they aren't exactly well made? Or why some celebrities seem to never age? It's because vampires are preparing the world for the vampire take over. They are invading our media to shape our minds into accepting them for when they make the big reveal. Boom. Conspiracy.
Theory 5: Blood Donations
Why is it that when you get a blood test or donate, the doctor takes so many tubes of blood? It's not because they need to perform many tests, they are using the extra blood to donate to vampire food-banks. And what do you get in honor of your donation? A cookie.
Theory 6: Fangs Are Straws
This is probably one of the most talked about theories because it's not just a Tumblr thing. The question is simple: Do vampires use their fangs to pierce the skin and then suck the blood with their mouths, or do the fangs act as straws? Excellent question. Any more questions?
Theory 6: Apparently One Direction
I honestly don't know how this started, all I know is that I found a lot of photoshopped pictures of them as vampires ,and I'm not about to start digging into that fandom.
Obviously, there are way more theories and conspiracies out there in the world than this, but these are my personal favorites. Do you have any theories or conspiracies about vampires? If so, leave them in the comments below so I can check them out!
